Thanks for sharing Paul, when I watched my first couple of people getting an attack I said to my mother (I currently live with my parents) is that what I look like? I don’t look that bad. And much to my surprise she said it’s just as bad in a different kind of horrific way. She in particular worries about the pain I have to endure. It doesn’t matter how much I tell her I will never be suicidal she just worries about it. I see a psychologist on a regular basis, once a month to every week depending on how I’m feeling. Honestly since I’ve been dosing with mm (magic mushrooms) for over a year now I will only get a hint of depression here and there. I also think it helps with the hopeless feelings as I rarely get those thoughts either. Despite knowing my options for treatment are very limited. As for the emotional part I hadn’t been able to cry for over a year until a couple of weeks ago (I’m 18months since my first CH and I’m chronic). Then my mother told me about how her dentist asked how I was and she told him I was battling CCH he winced and said “he’s been through so much, I’m so sorry...” and I immediately started balling. Since then I’ve been fairly emotional at times and I try not to break down in front of my parents too much.
When I look back at how much pain I’ve endured since I was 14 (I’m 40 now) it seems Unhuman. From serious third and second degree burns, bulging cervical discs, burn scars crushing my spine, the list goes on all in all 25 plus surgeries since 14y/o. But all that pain has prepared me to deal with the CCH (the worst pain of them all). Take a look at my post history to see more, I’ve rambled enough. Plus I have mad a few threads about mm cultivation with links. There are several ways to cultivate. Another option that may be better for you since your cycle has already started is to try LSA contains seeds. Click on the new members button at the top of the page there is a link to more info.