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tingeling

The need for a laugh thread

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So, the Beast walks into a bar full of clusterheads...

They were all having a good time, drinking tea, popping pills and doing 02 up to that point.

As the beast walks in, everybody gets silent, trying to ignore him and avoiding eye contact.

The beast goes up to the jukebox and plays "King of Pain" by the Police and sits at the bar and orders a triple scotch...

The bartender who also suffers serves him, scared shitless.

Finally, a guy walks in, who's known to be a chronic and sits right next to the Beast.

The Beast looks him up and down and says "Wow, you've got some balls.... but you're pretty fuckin' stupid too!"

The guy goes "Let me buy you a beer, and I bet you that I can finish mine before you can drink yours"

The Beast goes "You're even stupider than I thought... not only can I drink faster than you, but you have CH and you know that the beer is gonna trigger an attack..."

The guy goes "Fair enough... but if I win, you got to promise that you will leave my ass alone for 6 months..."

The Beast giggles and says "You've got a deal!!!"

The guy counts "3...2...1... DRINK!"

They both start drinking as fast as possible, and half way through, the beast stops, turns bright red and spits out his beer all over the counter and runs away crying like a baby.

Everyone is in shock and goes up to the guy who's laughing his ass off with the bartender and one guy asks:

"How the hell did you do that???"

The guy answers "I asked the bartender to pour shroom tea in his beer!"

;D ;D ;D

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     THE ATTORNEY

                

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show

it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's

door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind

the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming

hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely

ruined and would never be the same,no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new

again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I

can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said."You are so focused on your

possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when

the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer."My Rolex!"

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Maybe not so funny, but it gave me a warm feeling and a smile. That`s always worth allot  :)

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

This is so true!!

Have a wonderful evening  :)

Hug and good night

Tingeling

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So a guy walks into a bar to meet with a couple of his buddies to play some pool and drink a bit. As the night progresses they're fairly hammered and its last call at the bar. The gentleman walks up to the bartender and starts talking with him as he gets his last round in while his two buddies play pool. The bartender and him get into a discussion about gambling and the young man asks...

"Say barkeep, are you a bettin' man?"

He responds "Sure why not! What you wanna bet on?"

"You see that glass on the back of the bar?"

The barkeep turns around, looks, and turns back and says "Yes."

The gentleman smirks and says "I bet you 200 dollars I can pee from here behind the bar, into that cup WHILST sitting, and NOT miss a drop."

The bartender laughs and engages the man, telling him "You're on!" The man whips it out, and starts to urinate all over the bottles, the floor, bar, counter, on the bartender's shoes and pants. He finishes, zips up, stands up and laughs with the bartender (who has obviously gotten a real kick out of this escapade.)

"I'll be right back with your money, okay barkeep?" He says as he walks over to his friends. They exchange some money and laugh like a bunch of morons. When the man comes back to the bar, he slaps $200 down. As he finishes chuckling with his friends, the gentleman shakes the bartender's hand, who in return pockets the money and asks "What's so damn funny?"

The guy smirks one last time and goes "I bet my friends 500 dollars I could piss all over you and your bar."

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As a humorist, but also a political commentator and lightning rod, I think Bill Maher is someone I should resist commenting on (do I love him, hate him, or somewhere in between, you'll never know!), because I believe political hot button stuff can divide us CH'ers and supporters, make us angry at each other, and it's important to avoid that. I've seen that CH'ers come from all sides of the political spectrum.

So, while realizing this particular Bill Maher video is only about 5% politically themed, is "on topic" here regarding hallucinogens, and is chock full o' funny things, I'd just like to suggest we tread carefully with our own political commentary on the forum in order to keep the Need For a Laugh thread funny and stay united on the subject of CH through this time of deep political divisions in the US.

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Sounds to me like you've been taking psychedelics, Jeebs. How else to explain your sensitivity, broadmindedness and understanding. One other thing: along with politics, religion is the other hot button we should all avoid pushing on this forum. Both of these topics must be avoided in any discussion not centered on one of them. It's good - and wise - of you to remind us.

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During my most recent hospital stay I was kinda delirious for about 4-6 hours or more thanks to the anesthesia given during the second surgery I had. My Mom told me a lot of the crazy things I said, and I figured I'd share them.

She said first I woke up and declared "I like food!" then fell back asleep... After a few minutes I woke up again and added "I like candies too!" (Candies is a word I stole from Marcos so...)

I asked her to play the music on my neck. She had no idea how to do that so she tried the radio stations on the hospital TV. None of them were right.

I looked at her and also told her "I been seeing UFO's." (LMFAO.)

My fiance was also on the phone with my Mom at one point and heard me go off on a rant about "Those feckers had better not cut off my barbie's hair!!!" (I have no barbies... Haven't in years.  :D )

Me: "My face itches."

Mom: "Need me to scratch it?"

Me: "No, I've got it."

I started to scratch the top of my head aggressively.

Mom: "That's not your face. That's your head."

Me: "Close enough for government work!"

And now there's just one more, and it's the one that thus far everyone has loved.

Me: "I like Johnson!"

Mom: "....What?"

Me: "Johnson's space center!"

This made pretty much everyone who heard it crack up. My nurse introduced us to another nurse with "This young lady REALLY loves NASA!"

There's some other stuff I said after the first time I was put under for the surgery before this one, but none of it was as funny.

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