Jump to content

VaderXanth

Members
  • Posts

    1
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by VaderXanth

  1. Hello everyone! I'd like to introduce myself and talk about what I go through. First off, I'm a 46 year old male from Northeastern Wisconsin and I work a wicked "southern swing-shift". My work days are always 12 hours, being either 6am to 6pm (Days), or 6pm to 6am (Nights). My schedule has me working: 4 Nights, 3 off, 3 Days, 1 off, 4 Nights, 3 off, 4 Days ending with a 7 off stretch. Then the cycle repeats. About 4 years ago I was woken from a sound sleep by what seemed to be a headache. INSTANTLY. WIDE. AWAKE. I didn't know what was going on, seemed to me weird that a headache could do that. I didn't want to wake up my wife so I left the bedroom and started walking downstairs to sit in the living room. Halfway down the stairs this "headache" grew into something that I never experienced. My upper back teeth on the left side felt like they were falling out, my left nostril was just oozing snot, my left eye felt like it was getting stepped on while inside my head and the pain within my head was excruciating. I went into the bathroom to get some ibuprofen and when I turned on the light I was damn near blinded by pain. I went for an icepack but that didn't do squat. Every hair follicle on my head felt like they were being slowly pulled out. I felt like my blood was boiling so I splashed cold water on my face. I tried to sit down in a comfy chair, NOPE can't sit. I laid down on the couch, NOPE. Cool hardwood floor, Nope! Can't sit, can't lay down, the hell am I supposed to do?!?! I went outside in just my underwear and shoes thinking that the cool Autumn air would help. All it did was made me cold so I went inside and cried. The cries turned into sobs. Was I having a stroke? Did a vessel in my brain explode? Am I dying? I was sure that I was dying, that this was it for me. I didn't want to go through all of this pain. If this was it for me, I'll end it NOW! I went upstairs stifling my cries and grabbed a pistol. I put it to my head and was so freaking tempted to just pull the trigger. I looked at my wife with tears running down my contorted face and I just couldn't do it. I tossed the pistol back into the drawer and let the sobs out. She woke up and I could barely talk. She did all that she could do for me but nothing helped. I couldn't even tell her what I was going through *or* what I almost did. I left the room with her feeling helpless. Back in the living room, in a corner sitting on the floor all I could do was rock myself hoping for it to end. And it did. Almost as if it was never there. After 45 minutes *Poof* gone. And then I passed out. The next day I had just assumed that it was some sort freaky headache. I still felt exhausted and my head was all wonky with major brain fog. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. My day was shot, but at least the headache was gone!! Yay!!! That night, roughly 2 hours after I went to bed I was woken from a sound sleep by what seemed to be a headache. All I could do was say 'Oh Fuck!' as it started again.... Since then I've had many attacks. I've done research and finally found myself here. I am episodic with the seasons and a few randoms. When I found out that there people with chronic attacks I can't help but feel absolutely terrible. No one should go through these. It's a very bitter feeling knowing that there are others that go through this with me. Kind of like, Yay I'm not alone, but also terribly sad that others go through this. And now I don't want to talk anymore about it. Sorry for my language, but this shit sucks!
×
×
  • Create New...