Longtime lurker....Even Longer story

[beserk]

Hi friends. This is going to be quite the wall of text, for a few reasons.
Partly to thoroughly explain my situation. Secondly there may be things in here that can help others.

But mainly, just to get things off my chest, or more aptly, out of my head.

I'll probably do this in 2 parts to break it up. First, I'll describe my background.
44 male from Australia. Suffered from episodic cluster headaches for about 15 years.
As with almost all of us sufferers, I have researched the hell out of this over the years, including here.
My cycle is a pretty standard one : I will get 8 weeks of daily clusters, and then a remission period of 1.5 years.

The first 2-3 cycles, i was pretty unaware. I was younger then, and simply battled through.
My go to was ( and always has ) a boiling hot shower, directly on the head, and rocking back and forward.
They hit like clockwork, once per day at 7-8pm every night, lasting around an hour.
I have a very high pain tolerance, but when these things struck, it was an eye opener.
I wasnt even aware a pain like this could exist. Things i used to think were a 7/10 on the pain scale, suddenly became a 3/10.
Its actually made it hard now, whenever somebody asks what a pain level is for a separate injury, im going off my cluster scale, because i know what a real 10/10 pain is now. My 4/10 pain, is their 8/10 pain. Anyway...

On about the 3rd cycle, it struck while I was out camping. Alone. In the middle of nowhere in the bush.
It was horrific. It was at this time, in desperation, I resorted to something i created out of desperation, called the rocking technique.
What i did, was kneel in the dirt (ground), lean forward and put my head on the ground in my hands.....and just rocked backwards and forwards.....and I counted each rock. As i said, I was desperate, with no other options...
It was during this, that I discovered, although it was very painful, if I kept counting, I never got to 500, before i felt it start to ebb away.
At 1 rock per second roughly, this was around 10 minutes or so. 
I'd just completed my first abort! During the next attack, i was able to replicate it again. 
Although still suffering up to a 7/10, it felt like a win.

But....

As I have discovered over the years, when you defeat the beast, it seems to piss it off. It tries to claw its way around your methods, or find a new way to punish you. I was about to find this out for the first time.

In the following days, my clusters stopped being like clock work. They started attacking at random times.
Worse still, my one attack a day, had now become 2-3 per day. Since that day, it has never returned to normal during a cycle.
Sometimes i wish i hadnt pissed ithe beast off, and just had the standard 1 per night, at a time I knew. 
Regardless, for the remainder of that cycle, i was able to abort about 75% of the attacks using the rocking technique.

A year and a half passed, and the beast was back. Worse still, my rocking technique was far less effective.
It was during this cycle, and the following that I tried some left field things, with mixed minor results.
I was back in the hot showers again. I found something online about a vicks nasal inhaler. For some reason, this seemed to help, even if only slightly, sometimes would knock 0.5-1 off the pain scale. Combined with the hot shower, the rocking and the counting, it at least gave me things to focus on. But the pain was still brutal, multiple times a day for over 2 months every time.
 

During a later cycle, I stumbled on another small trick. I could turn the water in the shower on my head, from boiling hot, straight to ice cold for about 10 seconds, then back to hot. During the the change in temperature, there is a 2 second period where i feel almost no pain.
Its ever so brief, but just having that 8/10 go to a 1/10 for even a second or 2, is something i will happily take in the moment. I believe the temperature change may have something to do with constricting blood cells in the area, but thats a wild guess.
So although I still suffer immensely, I use energy drinks/black coffee, the nasal inhaler, the rocking and counting, the hot shower with cold switches mixed in, and I manage not to become a statistic, only just.

This probably covers the most of the background info, that brings me to my current situation.

An important unrelated side note, 4 months ago, I had a horrible fall at work, through a roof. Working solo, head first onto slate.
I almost bled out while unconscious. Luckily, I'm a tough bugger, and after multiple scans in hospital clearing me from brain and neck damage, a few stitches, and I was good to go. Though over the next days, It turned out the fall had compressed my spine, I slipped a disc, against a nerve, and had the most crippling bout of sciatica you could imagine. No painkillers worked. Nothing worked. And it just got worse and worse. I couldnt sit, i couldnt drive, I couldnt sleep. My home became my prison. It was round the clock immense pain. After 2 weeks, I was getting 1-2hrs sleep a night max. This went on for weeks. Weeks turned into months. Although it was a different type of pain, it still rated a 7-8/10 on the cluster scale, and it was 24 hours a day, non stop for over 2 months. Add in the sleep deprivation, and I was at a point where I was actually considering Id prefer cluster headaches. Due to the pain, and my mental state due to prolonged lack of sleep, i was a mess.
Long story short, i ended up in an ambulance to hospital, the following day home welfare checks from the police, and after many xrays, MRI's and cat scans, I eventually got a spinal injection.

This was about 1 month ago, and finally, the pain subsided 2 weeks ago, after almost 3 months of pain riddled, sleep deprived hell.

I've only just started to get on the mend and recover, moving again, trying to restore my sleep pattern and mental health after the ordeal........and yep.....you guessed it........

Cluster headaches enter from stage left.
Devastated doesnt even begin to explain the feeling.
I've just come out of a 3 month hellish nightmare, and I'm about to enter another one.

It's uncanny, because about a year and a bit ago, I did some MM recreationally with a friend. A few months later, I also did an LSD tab.
I am fully aware of the benefit of these things when it comes to clusters and busting. Yet I'm never able to get any or find any ever.
This just happened to be a once off coincidence. My 1 and a half years was up about 10 months ago. Around that time, I started to get anxious, waiting for my cycle to arrive....and it never did. A month went by, then 2. Then 6. I was overjoyed, and I definitely attributed it to the MM/LSD use, and then kicked myself for not thinking about getting connections for any future bouts........

So of all times, it decides to turn up now. I guess in hindsight, had it happened during the spinal injury, and had they overlapped, I would have definitely become a statistic without a doubt. And I really cant afford that, I have a young son, who I love very much, as he does me.
But as most suffers can probably understand, sometimes, you just reach that point.

So before I start with my current situation ( which is why I am posting in the first place for advice ), a few things to note.

I dont have access to MM or LSD.
I have tried oxygen previously, and it doesnt work for me.
I've tried 1 medication from the doctor previously, unfortunately I cant remember what it was, but it didnt work either, as well as being $10 a tablet.
Many things seem harder to get in Australia than the US.
And the number one restriction is, I'm almost completely broke ,due to the cost of living crisis in Australia.
I work fulltime, on $40 an hour, and I can barely afford to eat. Prices for rent, food, bills, EVERYTHING here is a joke.
With another rent increase during the next year, I'll probably end up homeless, while working fulltime on close to 80k a year, I cant believe this is what my country has become, its so disappointing, and adds even more to my mental trauma bank.
So affording the D3 regime, or other medications or anything else is out of the question.

Basically, I need help to work with only the resources I have, and Im desperate.

Now this is where it gets interesting. I have one other resource. One up until now, I had no idea had any effect on cluster headaches.
I'm surprised i hadnt stumbled on it during all my research.,,

DMT.

A couple of years ago, someone showed me the extraction process. We have the exact trees and bark close to where I live.
So with that, I made a few batches, and honestly, i rarely touch the stuff. We just rolled it up into a cigarette and smoked it.
Its definitely an intense experience, and you definitely need to be in the right headspace ( set and setting i guess). Hence I've rarely, if ever touched it in the last year.

After the first 2 days of suffering 2-3 attacks per day, I remembered I had it, and although it wasnt MM or lsd, I figured being a psychedelic, maybe it would have some sort of effect.....Understatement of the year. When the next attack came on, I had my special cigarette rolled, and started taking some puffs. After about 3 decent tokes, and starting to feel the effects, it simply erased the attack in seconds.
Like flicking a switch. I was in complete disbelief.

I instantly went inside and googled my arse off, and thats when i found the info here, and any many other places, correlating my experience. I was literally stunned with shock, that I hadnt thought of it before, and just how quick it aborted an attack.

But.....

As always, when you piss the beast off, it fights back....

The very next day, I got 7 attacks. Before lunchtime. Every one, I was able to abort with dmt.
I started experimenting with how little i could get away with to abort an attack, to minimize the effects.
Some attacks I can abort with minimal effects. But there has been quite a few, that have been stubborn, and I've had to have more.
Not full blown hallucinating, but definitely some visuals, fractuals, sounds, the ground looking like its bloody breathing.
Obviously only lasts for a few minutes, and its not something I'm a stranger to.
I saw it mentioned here, and its definitely like the cluster and the dmt are fighting for the same receptors.
If I lie in bed as I feel the tingle, it can take up to 10-15 minutes before it reaches a 4/10.
If i get up at the first sign, as soon as i take the first puff, the attack goes from a 1/10 to a 4/10 in about 30 seconds....its like the beast knows what you are trying to do, and it comes out swinging wildly. I've literally felt the battle going on in my head.
Sometimes after 2 long puffs, I can feel the cluster wavering back and forward from a 1/10 to a 5/10, its very odd.
Then its a 50/50. Half the time, the switch is flipped, and the beast is gone instantly. Other times, it suddenly surges to a 6/10, desperately trying to claim its place, and thats when I hit it again hard, and the switch is flipped, and I'm left trying to navigate the effects of the dmt instead. All of this happens in 2-3 minutes.

But its also how it affects you mentally, and I refer back to set and setting, and being in a good headspace......
Which after the last 3 months of agony, and now this....I'm definitely not in a good headspace.
I live alone, no partner...and I'm mostly okay with that, I like my peace. I have good friends, but due to the injury the last few months, I've been very isolated. And I know when I get cluster headaches, I also isolate. Its to risky to leave home, and risk an attack stranding you somewhere, let alone in public. While the dmt offers some hope, I'm not real sure I'd want to be in public while experiencing those effects either...

So it looks like my home has become my prison...again.

Sorry for such a long post. As I stated, I'm isolated. I'm lacking resources. I knew if there is anyone can offer advice or suggestions, its you guys.  

I had those 7 attacks yesterday, and another 7 today, which is totally abnormal and new to me.
Doing some research, they almost sound like slapbacks. 
What I havent seen anywhere, is anyone ever busting a cycle with dmt.
From what I can gather, it hasnt been, or cant be done.
I was wondering if its worth trying to experiment? Do a try a hero dose? or a few?
Or do I just continue to abort them? I'm just unsure of how im going to fare taking dmt 7+ times a day for 2 months.

I've got friends on the lookout for LSD and MM, but im not very hopeful at all.

Again, apologies for the long post, and if some of it is confusing. I've had 2 attacks while writing this, and am about to have a 3rd.

Thanks for reading.

 



 

[beserk]

Forgot to add, any questions, shoot them at me.
I am finding I seem to need less now to abort, but the frequency is also rising. At about 9 attacks today, I had a 5 hour attack free period through today, and yesterday too, but at different times.
I guess I'll just keep updating.

[CHfather]

3 hours ago, beserk said:

I have tried oxygen previously, and it doesnt work for me.

Just questions, I'm sorry to say.

I gotta start here, because 90% of people who say this about O2 find out that it does work when they optimize it. When you tried it, was it from a tank/cannister, with a non-rebreather mask (did your mask have a bag on it that emptied as you breathed in and filled as you breathed out), at a flow rate of at least 15 litres/minute?  

The pill you took was probably a triptan -- sumatriptan, probably. Pills take too long to get into your system. You have never been prescribed an inhaled or injected triptan?

You're not taking any kind of preventive, such verapamil?  Have you ever tried Verap, or any other preventive (such as metropolol or gabapentin)?

Tried a prednisone taper??

Any other meds you have tried?

I am assuming that these medications would be affordable for you, covered by your national health system(??)

I guess the overall question from the above is whether you have a competent doctor.  (Doesn't sound like it, but maybe you're leaving out that history.)

I think rivea corymbosa seeds are illegal in Australia; otherwise, I would recommend them for busting if you can't get L (they are just as effective as MM, in my experience).

Do you have steady pain most of the day, except for those five hours, punctuated by more severe attacks?

I suspect you are right that DMT might have diminishing returns. I think someone has mentioned that happening. But I don't think I've read about it firing up so many attacks.