Its back

[NeitherHere]

I had a few months of total peace. I knew it wouldn't last but I wasn't expecting the intensity. 

 

A few days ago I was laying on the recliner after a day of work when it felt like I was hit in the face by a lightning bolt. It was so jarring I physically jumped. The rest of the day was unremarkable. 

 

Yesterday I was on a walk and it happened again this time much more intense. 

 

Today I started getting that deep dull glowing pain. In a matter of hours I've gotten to the point where i'm overwhelmed. 

 

I have several Oz of cubes and some D but i'm not comfortable using them at the moment. I took some cubes to see if it would help but it just left me disoriented and in pain. 

 

It hurts so bad i'm shaking, sweating, i'm trying not to make a scene throwing shit and screaming. Trying to keep my head away from hard shit knowing full well I need to avoid bashing it into something because it won't help. 

Is this new lighting bolt sensation something you folks have seen? Usually I get a deep glowing heat with repetitive mule kicks but I've never felt the nerve actually spasm like this. Its like 1000kw from my nose all the way accross the eye. I feel nauseated it hurts so bad. 

 

I'm chugging water, rapid breathing, pacing, rubbing, tapping. 

 

I'm scared. I've been shot before and this is always so much worse than that and it feels like there's no stopping it. Just senseless fkn torture. I've been trying to work on not being so irritable and agitated lately but ughhh this is miserable. 

This is what I get for thinking I found long term remission.