Don't know if I have the right to do this but one more day alone will be be my last. I wrote this awhile ago. This would follow the kip scale.
  I mean not to overstep my bounds nor do I mean any disrespect to the late Mr. Bob Kipple but I do not feel the kip scale is completely accurate in my case. Though the differences are slight and few, they make it difficult for me to rate my occurrences I'm about to document in this journal. This is the Buzz scale. It certainly makes it easier for me and hopefully anyone reading this. Again, no disrespect to anyone who has or is been trying to figure out this horrible monster longer than me. There is also a term I need to add"jingle the keys". For me it seems it would kind of replace "shadow" but I am just going to add it because(as I'm about to explain) I can hear the keys without feeling a shadow. I've talked to my dad the most about this so far. I curse the devil everyday for forcing me to put him through this. Both of us having a strong interest in war history so we made this analogy from something we've both heard. When enemies captured POW's they would jingle the cell keys as they walked so that the prisoner could hear it. After enough beatings they could send a broken spirited warrior to cower in the corner with nothing more than a "jingle of the keys". Case and point, even if you don't feel a thing, it can really ruin your day.
0- no pain, life is beautiful but cant forget what the keys sound like.
1- very minor, shadow's come and go. Beautiful turns into panic. I can hear the keys. Pray it's not my cell.
2- more persistent shadows. They're getting closer.
3- shadows are constant. Can deal with it but start to baton down the hatches and look for an exit.
4- starting to get worse. Where's that exit.
5- still not a pacer but start to distance myself from anyone.
6- wake up grumbling, disoriented, curse a bit. Might not have to leave the house but if it woke me there is no going back to sleep.
7- woke up, sleep not an option. Take the beast for a walk. Fall on the floor exhausted.
8- time to scream, yell, curse punch slam doors on my head, head bang, rock. Whatever works. Don't come near me.
9- it cannot get worse. The why me syndrome kicks in. DO NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME.
10-Â it will be the last entry inthis journal cause I already know how I'm going to do it.