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MoxieGirl

My literary contribution

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I had posted this back in April and it didn't get a lot of comment. Not that I'm craving your adoration or anything like that. But am curious what people think. Should I not give up my day job?

 

MG

 

 

Longing to Escape..

 

Today is like any other

Yesterday, today & tomorrow, all blur together

Day in and day out, everyday the same

I wish I could escape this game.

 

The Beast visits most when least expected

My face drains of colour, and I feel quite infected

Into one eyeball, always just the one, the Demon comes

Blinding and piercing like I’ve been poked hard, with a thumb

 

My eye seems to freeze as if turned to ice

And the pressure builds as if placed in a vice

My nose starts to run and my eye begins to tear

As my body is gripped with fear

 

Red hot nails, they pierce and twist in my eye

The burning is such that I wish to die

Knives cut and rip through my skull

As I pace the room and bang my head on the wall

 

I can feel my cranium crack

As all my world turns to black

For one hour or maybe two

How long it really lasts, I dare not tell you

 

For all that time, I pace and I walk

Sat on my bed, back and forth I rock

I suck on oxygen and drink caffeine

I can be quite snappy and downright mean

 

But eventually the nails are removed, as are the blades

And the terror within, all but fades

I am drained, I am spent

My energy is at zero percent

 

I need water, I need food

But instead, I lay here unable to move

I take one deep breath, and maybe two

Before the next sensations ensue

 

This is when the true crying begins

As my body shakes from my bones to my skin

I am racked with hot convulsions in wave upon wave

To this terror I am now but a slave

 

Eventually, even this fades to a whimper

As my body begins to shiver

Wrapped in a blanket I raise myself up

Finally sloshing some water into a cup

 

Today was like any other

Yesterday, today & tomorrow, they all blur together

Day in and day out, everyday the same

Oh, how I wish I could escape this pain.

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Wow.....speaking as an English / AIS Reading Teacher.....that is pretty darn good...writing.....is both rewarding and healing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Try to get it published.

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Yes Moxie, I like it a lot.
I may print it up or display it at the conference in some way if you don't mind.

 

Let me know how'd you'd like me to attribute you as the author if it's ok with you.

 

You can do that in PM or here, whatever you'd like.

 

 

Bob

 

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Thank you both,

 

I'd be delighted to have it at the conference. Was hoping I'd be able to attend this year, but just not in the cards I'm afraid. 

 

Bob, please kindly add: by Renée Elizabeth Mineart.

 

MG

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Thank you Purple  :D

 

I think my favourite verse is: 

  This is when the true crying begins

  As my body shakes from my bones to my skin

 

I also like hope that the reader is lulled into the story with a twist at the end. It starts with..

  Today is like any other

  Yesterday, today & tomorrow, all blur together

 

And hopefully reads like all the cluster attack is an exception to a normal day. But then it ends with..

  Today was like any other

  Yesterday, today & tomorrow, they all blur together

  Day in and day out, everyday the same

  Oh, how I wish I could escape this pain.

And you realise that this pain IS DAILY, and that every day is like this. It's not an exception, it's the norm.

 

That was one of my goals anyway. Hope it worked.

 

More of my writing can be found here. A poem or two, some bits about pain and clusters, the first couple chapters from my novel (which will be updated soon), and other random ramblings. The blog page is called 'Sofa to Sailboat', as I'm chronically my journey of learning to sail and eventually buying a boat. But in-between sailing, I write about other things. 

 

MG

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MoxieGirl, your poem is really great and could also be a very good song. It's a great way to explain, the way it's turned as you say with the everyday first lines coming back at the end, which made me think about a song (could be the chorus)... (do you know any musicians?). I had to explain again my condition recently as I have new roommates and it's very difficult (especially with the 'headache' denomination) to make them realize it's worst than anything they can imagine. The other day as I was sweating and rocking my Kip 7, I had (for half a second) the idea of coming out of my room to show them, but it would have worsened my condition so I stayed alone concentrating on keeping it from racking up to 8 or worst... then I come out later and look normal (although I'm not) and I feel my roommates don't understand how bad... (and wonder about the meds I tell them I take... I think they wonder about me). Your poem is a good way to... and really, a Pop song would be great to help widen the message.

I'll be reading your page

:-)

Purple

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Thanks Purple,

 

I'll talk to my son, he's a musician. 

 

It's tough, getting the point across about the pain. Sometimes it is worth showing people what it's like. I wish I had a super power and could touch people and give them a 10 minute cluster. And the 'headache' thing, I do my best to call them cluster attacks. They aren't headaches, that is SUCH the wrong word. Calling clusters a headache is like calling the sun just another planet.

 

Right, off to get my hair cut.

 

xx MG

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