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Purple last won the day on April 23 2016

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  1. Hi, thank you Denny. I posted very few times since I transitioned so there is a good chance you didn't know, and yes, Moxie Girl and I exchanged personal messages a few years ago about the fact that I'm also a trans woman, but that was before I actually started to transition and I don't think she's aware that I did. When I posted it, it was 2 days after she had posted something like a farewell post, I'm happy you raise the question because I really feared transitioning based on her experience, but I think my experience shows CH is not that simple. Also, if I remember well, she was reporting back then to be pretty much pain free now, no?
  2. Hello everyone, I didn't post here in a while, didn't visit the site nor board either, sorry, but I do think about my fellow clusterheads pretty much every day, I hope you are well and are able to remain pain free. It's almost three years now I didn't get to go through an attack, a real one, I was able to manage a few back into the box before they grew into an actual CH, but I do have to deal with CH pretty much every day. I guess I found a way to manage them. Just now on my way back from the store, I had to stop walking, put my bags down and... I dunno exactly what I do, but I seem to be able to push them aside as they are rising. I was very scared this time though, especially we are solstice day. I've been feeling this solstice coming for a while. This morning at 6:05 am, my dog was up and turning around, it woke me up. I said to her: Hey I took you out last night so I could sleep in, so go back to sleep. Later when I got up I realized it was exactly solstice at that moment. I guess she was feeling it too. I really feel I'm connected to the elements, like a plant. It's no point trying to fight it, better roll with the wave. The past 5 years have been rich in discoveries and knowledge gaining for me. As some of you may remember, I'm transsexual, male to female. I started to transition, taking estrogen and testosterone blockers, almost 3 years ago, actually right after my last cluster episode, the worst I went through and that literally killed me, well the one I was before anyways. I reported here that the theory saying clusterheads lack testosterone is verified as wrong in my case: my testosterone count has been at the lowest it can be, less than most cis women have, for more than a year now. I also reported here that progesterone could be a cure for CH and I was totally wrong on that case, although it could maybe help; I'm certain CH is linked to hormones, but not one single hormone... it's a matter of balance. Also no doubt that stress is a major factor in CH developing into an attack. Quit your job, retire, that's the best measure to keep CH away. Yeah, well, I know it's not possible for many, but please don't blame me to have grabbed the opportunity that was offered to me to be poor but be released from any stress of having anything to do. That was the major game changer in my life. My last episode of CH was so terrible... I think if I get another episode, it would be even worse for I never had before to deal so much with possible CH every day. It used to be that, between episodes, I would be much more free from the beast... I wouldn't dare drinking alcohol, I didn't for the past 2 years. So for me it's clear: if I go back to the work world, I will get CH back. I don't believe the situation would be better if I had not transitioned, if I had testosterone still, though I have no way to know for sure. The fact is I didn't get an episode since I switched my main hormone to estrogen. Also, if I look back, the trend has been an increase in CH in the past 15 years prior to my last episode, so I think my transition was more positive than negative, regarding CH. My quest has been, since 2012 that I joined this site, to find out what CH is, more than how to cure it, or sooth the pain. I shared before my thinking that CH is to be linked with autism, I still think that is a good track to follow. But having started an hormonotherapy to change my main hormone to estrogen, from testosterone, I did try to understand how these work the best I could. I studied how the sexual hormones are released, and it led me to the hypothalamus, and furthe upstream, I got to GNrH, which is released following a certain rythm, at a certain pace, and that pace isn't the same for women and for men. My best guess is that I always was a woman, that my GNrH is released at the pace of a female, since I am one, which was totally incompatible with the big flow of testosterone I received between age 15-18, and this big amount of testosterone culminated into my first CH at age 18. Now didn't many of us got their first CH at around that age? Yes. Guess why? Too much testosterone: unbalance, and incompatible with the pace of release of the GNrH. So that would make CH linked with also transsexualism. Yes, why not? Transsexualism is not a choice of life, it's real, it exists, I was transsexual at birth, following unusual flow of hormones at crucial weeks of my development in the womb. I think that this unusual distribution of hormones at crucial weeks in the womb result in things like transsexualism, autism and maybe many other issues. Also the fact that my parents were both older when I was conceived, my dad 44 and my mom 37, and uh... yeah, there is a higher risk of autism (older father), of trisomy 21 (older mother), and according to me transsexualism, and also trisomy of other chromosomes, including the 23rd, the sexual ones. There is a very high percentage of transsexuals who are in the autistic spectrum, like 30%. It's my case and is also that of the two other members of my close family who are clusterheads: they are in the autistic spectrum according to me but they would probably contest this. Autism is very largely under-diagnosed and has been forever. I think some 20% of the human population is in the spectrum, not 1 to 2% as they say, and I also think it's been the case forever, it's nothing new and I think (as most experts) we have not experienced any increase in autism cases, we simply know how to identify autism better. The hypothalamus is the part of the brain that tells the glands to release or stop releasing hormones. The problem with CH could be the hypothalamus, but what goes wrong with it is that it doesn't send the right messages, then an unbalance in hormones is created. So maybe the prob is the hypothalamus, but maybe it's upstream, before the hypothalamus. The pre-hormone GNrH comes before the hypothalamus in the process, in my understanding of it anyways, so maybe the problem is there. Personnaly, I really feel that when I'm trying to, and suceeding at, controlling a rising CH, I'm actually realigning myself with the GNrH release pace, or re-synchronizing it. I don't know how to describe how I do, I stop everything, cut myself from the world and focus on myself and relax, and... when I found that GNrH is released with a pace, at a certain tempo, it was clear for me that this is what I do: re-synchronizing my pre-hormones release... I don't know. Maybe. I think this would all be worth searching, but I stopped searching myself. I'm satisfied with my findings. Also, when I forget a dose of Estrogel, I can feel my head going towards an unbalance. I don't have testosterone anymore so if my estrogen count goes low on any given day, I open a door, then too much sun, not enough eating, a too hot shower or bath, or alcohol, anything can trigger a CH since the door is open because of the unbalance in hormones I created. Or too much stress, simply, Or social stress. Autism is linked with social issues, so is CH. Feeling a CH rising, I must cut all social contacts rapidly. Rapidly, because it quickly feeds the rising CH. And I'm certain that non-verbal autistic individuals (those at the center of the autism spectrum) suffer from CH when they are in a crisis, they act the same as a CH sufferer. Same headbanging, rocking, same everything, socially as well. My new roommate came in with a good link to some very good acid, he gave me a few hits but I really fear taking it. I fear it will trigger a crisis, like it did last time, three years ago with MM. I feel I'm better off just surfing on avoiding anything that could trigger... I'd like to resume my studies of my brain, body, hormones and all that, but I have other things to do, writing novels. I inserted CH and the clusterbusters theory in my 2nd novel. I try to just enjoy things, I walk my dog, I talk to sparrows, ravens and squirrels, I enjoy the sun and get my skin darker. D. Summer solstice 2018 P.S. I'm posting this here in general to make it available to everyone, like maybe a random google search from someone searching the same issues I link to CH, if it's not right to post this here, I'm sure someone will move it to its right place au revoir :-)
  3. will post this as a new thread, but it's following a small exchange on the subject there was on my thread on share your busting... Before I go on, as said in that thread, feeding you with my (flourishing but) chaotic thinking, I'd like to make a point on stress. I always knew my clusters came when stress relieved, after 45 minutes of sleep for example, but I also remember many times driving back from work with strong shadows, exploding in a sudden kip5-6 as soon as I park the car in my alley. Certainly stress is not the cause of CH per say. My thinking on CH recently (that I should post here in the next future) wasn't about stress, but when I met my brother last Holidays, and he again told me considered himself not a clusterhead anymore, I think it's 4-5 years he is painfree, and later discussing this with my mother by email, I linked this to my last cycle, last sept.-oct. It suddenly came to me that for my brother, CH had started when real big stress came in his life, and it vanished when he retired, which came about same time that the three youngsters left the house for good. Then I remembered how much stress I went through last spring and summer, when I couldn't find an apt that suited my (very small) budget and the fact that I have a german shepperd. It went as far as considering living in the street or putting my old dog to sleep . I searched from March until 2 weeks before my lease ended end of June, then had to search again for it was temporary. I mean big stress, not just like, ohhh this upcoming dinner stresses me out... Like the big stress my brother suddenly had at age... what, 36? when he found himself father of three with more or less a job (well successfull cab driver, but still, stress of driving, long crazy hours...) My cycle came after two moves within 6 weeks and finally a cool place to live. Big stress release, bang, here comes Charlie. And as for emotions, well actually, I don't feel that many emotions so it's hard to tell haha (details later) but for sure crying is a trigger for me, whatever the reason for crying. But emotions are often related or follow a period of stress, or bring it, so... So stress. Apart from this terrible cycle I had last fall which as I explain came after a big stress relief, I feel that I can generally speaking compose more easily with the threat of CH, the every day shadows (I do have shadows all the time between cycles) since I don't work anymore and don't give much of a damn anymore about anything, politics, every day events, whatever. I don't get involved anymore. Well I cut all sources of stress. (for me) It's as much related to CH than cardiovascular issues are, if not more. Stress, that is. So I think if stress is not in the causes section of CH, it certainly is in the category of: things to be avoided if you're a clusterhead, and I think that should be one of the first response from the medical services: take a break! (paid of course) well I guess that's not possible for everyone. I adjusted my needs to a very low level of income, and F. the rest. Do we necessarily have to be productive in this world? I feel I'm quite productive in thinking, that should be enough no more stress plz
  4. this is great news, isn't it?, why did nobody comment? Guess I was away too long, must have missed something
  5. Wow thanks for posting this, Denny!!! I had read a lot about Sasha Shulgin, but this is just great to understand this extraordinary chemist and person, and his work.
  6. It's nice to read, yes, but I was actually quite surprised to read that sentence: ''Canadian policy-makers to reconsider their perception of those drugs.'', since for the last 10 years it's the very conservative Harper government that has been in power and is very well known to gag any and all scientific researchers in Canada (to say the least). But it's election time up here and hopefully this blind government will be replaced. The Green Party is proposing to legalize cannabis (but they will see only their leader get elected), and the Liberals have mentionned it too although I doubt it would become a reality (I don't think it's actually in their election platform) if ever they win this tight 3 parties race.
  7. from The Globe & Mail published in Toronto, Canada Psychedelic drugs may be helpful in treating addiction, anxiety and PTSD CARLY WEEKS The Globe and Mail Published Tuesday, Sep. 08, 2015 12:00PM EDTLast updated Tuesday, Sep. 08, 2015 3:36PM EDT http://www.theglobeandmail.com//life/health-and-fitness/health/psychedelic-drugs-may-be-helpful-in-treating-addiction-anxiety-and-ptsd/article26249575/?cmpid=rss1&click=sf_globe Psychedelic drugs, including LSD and MDMA, could help some patients struggling with addiction, post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety, according to a new analysis that urges Canadian policy-makers to reconsider their perception of those drugs. The analysis, published Tuesday in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, says several small studies show psychedelics may be effective at treating certain patients, but that “popular misconceptions†about the risks of the drugs are hampering research efforts. The authors argue that any novel treatment that may ease the symptoms of PTSD, addiction or anxiety should be explored, especially considering the limitations of available treatments. “We’re hoping to reduce the kind of stigma, for lack of a better word, around this area of scientific investigation,†said Dr. Evan Wood, a professor of medicine at the University of British Columbia, medical director for addiction services at Vancouver Coastal Health and one of the study authors. “I think there has to be some acknowledgment that the traditional approach that’s been taken in mental health hasn’t really been effective.†Psychedelics can alter mood, thoughts and change the way people feel, see, hear or taste. Some of the drugs, such as lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), psilocybin and mescaline can cause psychosis and/or hallucinations. In the 1950s and 60s, researchers experimented with the possible therapeutic benefits of psychedelic drugs. Some studies showed the drugs could help people dealing with alcohol dependence, for instance. But the CMAJ paper notes that a series of ethical problems – such as researchers encouraging people to use psychedelics in non-clinical settings and some patients being given the drugs without their consent – led to restrictions on the study of psychedelics that are only now beginning to lift. Now there is growing, renewed interest in the potential for these drugs to treat some types of mental illness. A small 2014 Swiss study, for instance, found that people with terminal illness treated with a combination of LSD and psychotherapy had lower rates of anxiety. A U.S. study involving a small group of patients also found that 3,4-methylenedioxy-methamphetamine (MDMA), more commonly known as ecstasy, can greatly reduce symptoms of PTSD. “We need a bit of a rethink,†Wood said. But experts also caution against getting ahead of the research. Much remains unknown about how psychedelics affect the brain and how well they actually work at treating disease. In July, Dr. Jeffrey Lieberman, chairman of psychiatry at the Columbia University Medical Center in New York, wrote on the Medscape website that excitement over psychedelic drugs needs to be tempered with a realistic assessment of how research can be done safely. The drugs “need to be studied, and we need to determine for what purposes they should be used and what risks and benefits are associated with these treatments,†he wrote. Media attention is increasing the public’s awareness of the fact psychedelics may help with addiction, stress and PTSD, he wrote, which means the research community should scrutinize and study these drugs to determine how, and if, they work. “We need to know how to react to a growing body of opinion, which calls for treatments that are not necessarily ready for prime time,†Lieberman wrote. Dr. Stephen Kish, a senior scientist at Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, said there are still many important unanswered questions about the role of psychedelics in the treatment of disease. Kish studies the use of ecstasy in the treatment of PTSD. The drug appears to increase a person’s sociability, which could help patients bond with their therapists. At the same time, he wonders about the implications of using drugs such as LSD, which is known to cause hallucinations and, in some cases, psychosis. “It’s all very early,†Kish said. When it comes to how well these drugs may work, “the answer is, we don’t know yet,†he said. He highlighted the fact that people should avoid self-medicating with psychedelic drugs. The forms available on the street are unlikely to be pure and could lead to serious health problems or even death. Follow Carly Weeks on Twitter: @carlyweeks MORE RELATED TO THIS STORYExperts call for study of possible therapeutic uses of psychedelic drugs MENTAL HEALTH PTSD program for first responders extended to family members Medicinal marijuana grower and UBC hope to test pot as PTSD treatment
  8. MoxieGirl, your poem is really great and could also be a very good song. It's a great way to explain, the way it's turned as you say with the everyday first lines coming back at the end, which made me think about a song (could be the chorus)... (do you know any musicians?). I had to explain again my condition recently as I have new roommates and it's very difficult (especially with the 'headache' denomination) to make them realize it's worst than anything they can imagine. The other day as I was sweating and rocking my Kip 7, I had (for half a second) the idea of coming out of my room to show them, but it would have worsened my condition so I stayed alone concentrating on keeping it from racking up to 8 or worst... then I come out later and look normal (although I'm not) and I feel my roommates don't understand how bad... (and wonder about the meds I tell them I take... I think they wonder about me). Your poem is a good way to... and really, a Pop song would be great to help widen the message. I'll be reading your page :-) Purple
  9. this is great MoxieGirl ! I like this verse particularly, maybe worst than the pain: And the terror within, all but fades
  10. I think any time is a good time to bust, might be more effective if taken before the cycle to prevent the cycle to occur, but busting agents like the one you mention are also (probably) good to abort a crisis
  11. "Are psychedelics the next medical marijuana? [Commentary] After a long hiatus, researchers are again studying psychedelic substances like LSD to see if they fill a medical need" Read more: http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-psychedelics-research-20140805,0,4861299.story#ixzz39eFCsClh
  12. Purple


    I'm also sick to my stomach when the pain reaches beyond kip 6, and vomiting is somewhat a relief. I certainly don't force it. The first time I took MM (2,4 g) to prevent an upcoming cycle that I was feeling coming, I felt exactly the same as when I'm having a big hit, felt sick to my stomach and vomited, and any upcoming buzz was stopped. Also, for me, there is a clear link between intestinal troubles and my CH, but when I mentioned these 2 here (link with intestine and vomiting), I remember being told it might not be CH I have. But clearly, it is. I'm one of the few (I think) clusterheads here who doesn't use O2, but it's mostly because I'm very poorly organized. I use ice, applied directly on my temple and neck, and eye. But the pain doesn't reach the eye much anymore. Luckily, I haven't had to use ice since a long time, the prevention dosings with MM have worked, although the monster has been poking lately. Light is really not a trigger nor annoying during an attack, but sounds yes, especially if it's someone speaking TO me. I can hardly believe caffeine can be a trigger, it's such a relief for me DURING an attack. But then again, I've suggested here before that any trigger can also be a cure: shower, MM... Ice, heat... So I guess, yes, that it's possible that a coffee has triggered you an attack, but I doubt very much that a strong coffee, or energy drink wouldn't help you after the attack has started, and anyways, after an attack has started, what have you got to lose? Hang on, Grace :-)
  13. hey this instantly rang a bell, I was sure I had read that before... no, it's a new study, but this "white matter" was discussed here before: http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cb/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1311825574 And ...yeah, is this white matter diffusion a cause or an effect of... simply pain maybe?
  14. Great Ricardo, very interesting and I would like to access these videos if they put them online. ...not sure the link you posted points to the right place I hope you mentioned you were a particular case as to dosage, Ricardo, and that they don't think we're all ... I wonder what they actually thought when you said that haha
  15. timmyy, a simple answer to your question is: magic mushrooms (we often call it MM on this board, or vitamin M). The kind of mushrooms that contain psilocibin. They are illegal. You can grow them. There are many different strains of MM; the most common is psilobensis cubensis (or Cube); another frequent strain is Psilobensis Mexicana, but the strain doesn't matter at all, all strains of MM contain psilocibin. (truffles also contain psilocibin, but less than MM) About the blue... If you look closely the dried MM, you will see sort of blue veins on the stem and/or cap. It is believed the magic lies in those blue veins but... not sure if that's right or not... anyhow, if you see blue veins, it's a very good sign. You have MM and a possible cure in handÂ
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