Leaderboard

Pretty sure it can be forgiven, chronic means we have little hit free time to post. I feel you, chronic, half a dozen hits a day, sleep wake cycle is garbage, family is helping me, feel like a burden, depression. I feel you, know you are not alone, even if I feel sad when I find another. For them. We are a bunch of tough people, crying, feeling lost, none of that makes you less tough, just human.

Thank you everyone, I promise to respond to all in the next 24 hrs. It’s just been a rough go and getting everything ready for house closing and moving. Had my first decent day in a while today. Then the hits started at 6:30. So I at least got my daily stuff done and didn’t get tortured like I have been. I’m taking a few day drug holiday from the ketamine in hopes of reducing my tolerance. I haven’t gone through such a dark period in some time and it has never been as tough on me in a year. Oddly I don’t feel depressed, I’m sure it has to do with the fact that I’m taking 18-24g of ketamine a month. I’m not walking around w self deprecating thoughts or I used to be kind of thoughts. Just life is a real torture and I’d be out of my misery if I died of natural causes. But today I haven’t had one thought like that. I credit you guys for that mostly. Thank you for all the support!

....Brian, my admiration for you and what you go through, your support of this family, and your ability to come on here with personality is immense..... just not quite as immense as the frustration with my own inability to offer anything other than vibes, prayers, thoughts and pleas to the universe..... ....have always thought maintaining my sanity thru this whole ride has been my best achievement…clusterheads in general, we gotta be some strong freaking people. you got this, and we are here even if you just need someone to listen....

To top it all off. I go and see the pain docs NP. Tell her how poorly I’m doing and that he said to my father he would add the nasal spray. Office called me just now to tell me he’s not changing my meds!!!! I’m stumped and devastated... may be the next doc will help me. Otherwise it’s looking pretty bleak.