How to fight anxiety and depression from CH

[john2000]

Hi, 

 

I'm off cycle now,I should be OK until dec,early jan.

 

But every time i have even the slightest indication of a CH, which it can't be in off cycle , I get scarred and frozen for about 10 seconds waiting what will happen. I immediately start to think if my tank is ready and my breathing ,pulse and BP goes up .   I would get this about 5times a day.But it casuses my non-stop anxiety.

I think it triggers the memory of CH  and even thhoug I quickly forget about it, that anxiety stays with be basicaly non-stop.

 

It's basically constant sadness, fear ,anxiety and depression . I think I have developed chronic depression by now.

It's like constant  pschychological torture of what if ,like someone is playing with my sanity .Why can't I have peace in off season.

 

I think that as horrible as CH cycle is for me , at least I know the drill. For whaever reason I can deal better with physical pain then pschychological pain. Phisical pain goes away quickly but this pschychological pain just drags on forewer and I swear I can physically feel it too. 

 

How to you deal with it? Do you have that kind of thinking when you are off cycle?

 

Thanks

[Pebblesthecorgi]

Your response is not uncommon.  If you think about it you are a torture victim.  For the perpetrator of torture part of the strategy is making the victim suffer at the anticipation of pain.  Classically when in cycle the pain comes in a somewhat predictable pattern so you become afraid to sleep or if you are expecting an attack you melt down as the time approaches.  These are normal responses and I personally have had what you describe happen ove the years.  It becomes a real problem when things threaten to interfere with work or responsibilities.

 

I believe the best way to handle this is to actively manage the condition.  What I mean is control as much as you can (O2, be prepared with meds both abortive and preventative) develop a systematic strategy for dealing with auras,shadows and attacks.  Have a strategy worked out for escalating   levels of pain so you approach it in a predefined fashion.  For example I start with O2 for 12 minutes, add caffeine 250 mg if that doesn't help and as a last resort inject  2 mg imitrex if still kip 8 or above.  When things don't work I have a mantra of telling myself to stay strong and there is more good than suffering most of the time.  I refuse to let the beast win and know the pain wont kill me and the pain will end.  When in cycle I know an oral triptan will hold off an attack if I have critical things to get done so I will take one prophylactic.  THe literature says it doesn't work but my experience is that it does work.  Thee is a price though because if you use too much triptan the cycle can seemingly be extended and some attacks seem worse.

 

Steroids can help to bust a cycle but there are side effects.  I hate them but they have saved me a couple of times.

 

With the help of this board and many kind magnanimous souls I think the D3 regimen is safe and effective and should be tried following directions closely.  5-MEO-DALT has shown much promise andthough not for everyone, MM\LSD can be a godsend.  All the info in Bob's handbook can help and should be explored in a systematic fashion.  

 

In the end what I am trying to express is use your knowledge and your strength of will to put the beast in a compartment, don't let it rule your life and reign terror on you.  It will win sometimes but you csn find ways to control it and live normally most of the time.  Learning to deal with it will make you the strongest person you know. 

[mit12]

I do not know how to answer this other than saying that if you can get your hits under control it will get much better. I have a little black soft sided ice chest that I kept my rescue meds in. If I forgot to grab that bag when I left the house I was in a complete panic. This has almost completely gone away now that Iave been able to be 99% CH free for the past year. I still take the bag with me but I have only used it 2 times over the past year compaired to 3 to 5 days a week with hits. Good luck John2000

[john2000]

But if you are at home let say and you get that first sign of a slight headache,,that very very first pulse, doesn't it give you anxiety?Even now that you know it's nothing its just a tension headache or sinus or whatever.

Right now I'm off cycle but still I'm ready to grab my oxygen 5 times a day.  Even off cycle it is still there that unreasonable stress.

In cycle it is expected ,but off cycle I should be able to live like a normal person .

 

I have O2 in my car as well and pills ,2 sets , everything doubled 

 

Explaining people why I don't smile anymore or looking pissed, if I 'm just depressed from this  doesn't help either.

And telling someone that  I have  a CH doesn't help either .I stopped doing it long time ago ,,,,,,,"O really ,,I get those too",,,"O really I'm having one right now too"....a typical response ...or  "a cluster headache ? what's that" ....

[mit12]

I have migrains also so at the first sign of a headache I take 4 Advil PM with a energy drink. This works most of the times for my migraines. It seems that the more I control the migtaines without meds the better my CH responds to MM or Seeds. Keep trying different things until you find something that helps.

[rkeck9999]

I understand your anxiety. After each cluster episode mine has gotten progressively worse. I actually went to see a therapist. She couldn't seem to grasp the fear I feel about CH. She recommended meditation techniques to affirm the positive aspects, like me not being chronic. Didn't work for me.

But now that I'm on the mm regiment. And even the ch I do have are down to 3 or 4 kip. I have had a few genuine smiles, and not just faking it. So I think I'm getting better.

As to how I coped with the depression when not in my episode, I drank excessively . Not the solution I would recommend.

[outofcontrol]

I know exactly how it feels. When I know my cycle is near I get very anxious and when it starts I do become depressed and feel like I'm living in a box. I still do my job, but I'm not sociable with co workers. They think I'm an ass for 3 months. I don't want to be but I have the constant fear of "when is the next one going to start" Hard to live like that . Then again they always give their input as "they can't be that bad or here take 3 Motrin. Really!!!

Hoping that the new trials going on for the chronics can shed some light to approve these meds for all to benefit from