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There may be different kinds of addictive behavior... but what I believe is happening with me is... there seems to be a deeper motivation, a level of consciousness I don't necessarily see, that is desperately trying to self medicate at the root of the CH. That level is very aware of the effect CH is having on me, even when not under attack. It is an animal, instinctual level, not easily defined or controlled. And, I believe we are permanently altered by our CH 24/7. Still need to finish that "Pain... the tip of the iceberg" paper I am writing... so many points.