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I understand your anxiety. After each cluster episode mine has gotten progressively worse. I actually went to see a therapist. She couldn't seem to grasp the fear I feel about CH. She recommended meditation techniques to affirm the positive aspects, like me not being chronic. Didn't work for me. But now that I'm on the mm regiment. And even the ch I do have are down to 3 or 4 kip. I have had a few genuine smiles, and not just faking it. So I think I'm getting better. As to how I coped with the depression when not in my episode, I drank excessively . Not the solution I would recommend.