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I don't think you're an idiot at all. There's a reason they're nicknamed suicide headaches. I'm lucky that mine are random and rare, but they happen enough to be a contributing factor to not having guns in my house. My son was born via emergency c-section, the kind of surgery where they put you under anesthesia, and I woke up in the middle of it. The pain of that experience, I don't have words for. But the pain of a cluster headache? I'd have that same c-section again over and over again if it meant I'd never have another cluster headache. You're not an idiot or being melodramatic.