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In what seems to be an almost grey area with 'suicide' viewed as something problematic, we in Canada have access to MAID (Medical Assistance in Death), something I have inquired about, so in a grey area, I do have a plan, but if you ask about MAID you do not get sent to psychiatric, but if you mention having a plan you do. In any case, I see it as my absolute last resort. I feel you @MoxieGirlI am chronic and have up to 8 hits a day, every day, no breaks, with some powerful sleeping pills, I can knock myself out for 30 hours after a day and a half up but those are the longest breaks. I am still trying with the alternate methods but have had some really bad months, death in the family and any hallucinegenic is not great if you go in with a bad headspace and the current crop I have tends to really edge towards disassociating me strongly which is a pretty unnerving experience. All said, we have all wished an end in some way, but you need to reach out, talk, try anything and everything. And talk, to anyone, find a good listener, it goes a very long way in keeping it together.

I can't just reply to questions and be done with it (so you can skip my reply if you wish). I work in psychiatric ward and get sometimes called to help when there are patients who are suicidal and have CH. Very, very often when CH is managed to get under control, the suicide plans vanish and again, very, very often never return. But there are people who have more complex problems and conditions and need help beyond getting CH under control. Then you need to keep reaching for help - relentlessly as long as you need, or better yet - find a support person who helps you fight. And it's incredibly tough when the things that work for others do not work for you - these people would need a community of their own. People with torturous chronic pain - whatever the diagnosis or no diagnosis at all, who have not yet found help and those who have found something that helps mixed in one group. I hope you keep reaching out and find help.