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MoxieGirl

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  1. MoxieGirl

    Suicide

    That was me. In 2011 I had 257 cluster attacks (plus 276 normal headaches and 42 migraines). It was a bad year. My doctor-prescribed meds were actually making the clusters worse. I'd only had 63 the year before (and I thought THAT was a bad year). By October I had had enough. I was sitting at my computer with my calendar in hand planning the day to exit planet Earth. I decided to give myself 1 year to find a solution or else that would be that. Then, in that moment as I was selecting the day, I remembered someone had given me a link to this forum about LSD and Magic Mushrooms. At the time, I was just starting my journey as my clusters only started in Jan 2007. I still had other doctor meds to explore and things to try before I turned to hallucinogens. So, I bookmarked the site. But in that very moment when I was planning the end, I remembered Clusterbusters. So, I joined and started reading and asking questions. Within a few days, I started weening myself off Topiramate and I met with my GP to explain to her my plan. It took me 6 weeks to get clean of Topiramate (it was too fast, I should have taken twice that long). During all of those six weeks, I spent every free moment on this site. I studied the clusterbuster files and made friends. Once clean, I started on an alternating pattern of shrooms and seeds. I taught myself how to grow my own medicine, which was an amazing experience. I loved being in control of the process, start to finish. In 2012, my clusters dropped to 169 and I only had 3 migraines. So far this year, 2024, I've had a grand total of 2 cluster attacks, each lasting less than 30 seconds. I'm not even sure they are technically clusters, but they have all the hallmarks. Ultra-intense pain, watery eye, drippy nose, energy drop that lasts hours. But, all in a compact 30 seconds of terror. Also, after my first dose of shrooms, my post-traumatic stress attacks that I'd get after every cluster headache vanished. I used to rock back and forth, crying my eyes out for 30 minutes after every attack. Sorry, I'm talking about treatment, not suicide. I've gone off-topic. I don't have an issue with suicide. I know that's a bold thing to say, but I don't. I've had daily suicidal thoughts from the age of 7 till I was 41. I firmly believe that when my day comes, it'll be by my hand. But not this day. Not when there is a remedy. Not when there is hope. There is life after clusters. I can attest to that. OK, I'm still dealing with 400 headaches and migraines a year, but my clusters are so trivial I barely notice them when they do strike. You have to be prepared to fight. You have to be your own doctor, herbologist and test subject. You have to be prepared so you don't get hit out of the blue. Understand how to prevent them. Try the D3, try everything. Don't give up! You'll make me angry and I'll swear at you if you give up! Mox
  2. I get migraine fog sometimes, and struggle to make sense with the words coming out of my mouth. There is a good video of a live news broadcast from a sports field, and the reporter has a migraine attack live on air and starts speaking gibberish. Let me see if I can find the link for it..... News reporter has migraine on air Mox
  3. I didn’t even think about SUNCT. Good call. here is a brief description of them. SUNCT (also known as Short-lasting, Unilateral, Neuralgiform headache attacks with Conjunctival injection and Tearing) is a rare form of headache that is marked by bursts of moderate to severe burning, piercing, or throbbing pain, usually on one side of the head and around the eye or temple. The pain usually peaks within seconds of onset and may follow a pattern of increasing and decreasing intensity.
  4. Hi everyone, I have pretty much shut down my cluster headaches with shrooms and seeds. My last full-on cluster headache was several years ago. But, ever since then, about once a month or every other month, I get this weird headache that I’ve never found a diagnosis for that I’m now calling a Micro-burst Cluster. These clusters last less than 5 minutes, usually less than a minute. 10-30 seconds, sometimes a full minute, sometimes a bit longer. But they aren’t Ice Pick headaches. Those feel completely different. The reason I think these are cluster-like is because they are one sided, usually in or just above the eye, are ultra intense and the after effects are the same as a cluster. Feeling wiped out, body temperature swings, emotionally drained, post-cluster headache, etc. It can often take me an hour or two to recover from one of these 10 second headaches. They seem to tick all the cluster boxes apart from meeting the 15 minuted - 3 hour duration part. They even strike me completely out of the blue with no warning. When I mention them to the professional headache community, I never get a response. They don’t see resemble any known headache type. So, I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something like this. Mox
  5. Hi Everyone, I recently set up YouTube & TikTok channels called "Another Headache" that are all about Headaches, Migraines and Cluster Headaches. Brief backstory: I suffer from chronic daily headaches, chronic migraines and chronic cluster headaches. I've had migraines all my life as they run in our family, and have had daily headaches and clusters since Jan 2007. For the last 16-1/2 years, I've averaged 400 headaches, migraines and clusters a year. In 2011, I had 257 cluster attacks, which is when I found this forum and the power of psychedelics. I've not been on the forum very much recently because my clusters are largely under control, but my migraines and headaches are pretty bad. When I realised there isn't anyone producing weekly content on all three of these headache types, and as I have all three, I thought I might be the person for the job. The goal of the channels is to help people learn about things they can do to reduce, prevent and manage their pain. The YouTube link above is to my latest video titled "How to Blackout Your House like a Vampire". Being light sensitive during a migraine is a common side effect, and in this video, I go over how I have my house set up to block out the sun, but also how I have interior lights configured to reduce their impact on my migraines. I plan on varying the content between the different headache types, and there will of course be overlap. I'm also uploading YouTube shorts, and I will be taking my longer videos (like the one above) and breaking them down into shorts and TikTok videos so I can get the word out to as many people as possible in as many forms as possible. Please, I invite you to check out my channel on one or both of the platforms, Like, Subscribe, Follow... but most importantly, share with your friends and social networks. I really want to help people with these channels, so the more people that share, the more will see. You will also see me around the forums more often as this is turning into a major project in my life at the moment. xx Mox
  6. A few weeks ago I started a new YouTube channel (and TikTok) all about Headaches, Migraines and Cluster Headaches. YouTube Channel: Another Headache TikTok: @Another.Headache For the last 16 years, I have averaged 400 headaches, migraines and clusters a year. I'm a chronic clusterhead, and this forum quite literally saved my life. I had 257 cluster attacks in 2011 and was at the end of my rope. I joined Cluster Busters, made friends and figured out how to reduce them to a very manageable level. I'm technically diagnosed with Chronic Daily Headaches, Chronic Migraines and Chronic Cluster Headaches. I figured that as I had SO MUCH experience dealing with various types of headaches, and there didn't seem to be any other channel out there churning out videos, that maybe I should start one. Here is my latest video about my story and an introduction to the subject of cluster headaches. I would love it if you'd check out the videos, subscribe, share, like, yada, yada. But also, I'd love your feedback and ideas on subjects to cover. I have a list of 20-30 videos and topics I want to cover in the coming weeks and months, and am going to do several deep dives specifically on Cluster Headaches and Migraines. All constructive feedback is welcome. I also have a Patreon page, but haven't started promoting it too much yet, will do in the coming weeks. I wanted to get some good content out there before I started asking for support. Anyway, let me know what you think. xx Mox
  7. Hi my friends, I normally get a bad case of brain fog after a cluster attack. They are fairly short lived, 1-2 hours, maybe 3 or so. What often surprises me is when I’ve had a 10 - 15 minute, short fairly mild attack, but then have brain fog for hours afterwards. Anyway, yesterday morning I woke at 5am with a super mild headache. I should have taken pain killers then and there, but hoped I’d sleep it off. I woke at 7 with a really bad headache that morphed into a migraine. I too a triptan, and before too long the migraine was gone. But then, I had horrendously bad brain fog the rest of the day, right up to crawling into bed. It was so bad I left work at noon, I just couldn’t concentrate on anything. I’ve never had it that bad from a migraine, or had it last that long. I asked Dr Google and found out the proper name for it is Postdrome, and if you get it before a migraine, it’s Prodrome. It can last hours to days and is quite common. So, I was wondering if this is a common post (or even pre) side-effect fo clusters, and if others experience it too. Stay safe, Mox
  8. Had a <bleep> <bleep> <bleepity> <bleep> <bleep> headache. OH!!!!! That’s why they don’t ask us to name these headaches. Mox
  9. If I remember correctly, Michael Pollan's book, How to Change Your Mind, gives a really good description of Hoffman's bicycle ride home that fateful day, and the history behind the discovery. A really good read, can't recommend it enough. Mox
  10. Hi Mike, Has been a couple of months since your original post, I hope things have settled down a bit for you in that time. But, knowing the beast, it may not have. The best way I've found to convey the level of pain to a non-clusterhead is this: Most people I talk to have had at least 1 muscle cramp in their life, and it's usually a calf muscle. I start by asking them to think back to the worst muscle cramp they can remember, and get them to think about how suddenly the pain came on from out of nowhere, and how it was all consuming. They couldn't move, or speak or think about anything apart from the pain. For the thirty seconds or minute that it lasts, it becomes their entire world. I then ask them to imagine the pain being doubled. And then doubled again, so it is 4 times as painful as it was. Then, shrink the pain down to the size of a golf ball and shove it in your eye. Right in the inner corner where you get a brain-freeze attack from eating ice cream too fast (another good analogy). Now, instead of lasting 30 seconds, imagine that pain lasting 3 hours. At this point, you can usually see the realisation on their face. And you cap it off by saying that's a tenth of what a cluster attack feels like. I also never call them cluster headaches, I always call them cluster attacks. Because that's how it feels, like I'm being attacked. I have headaches, I have migraines, this ain't them. I've also often said that if a headache were the Moon, and a migraine the Earth, then a cluster attack would be the Sun. When I was house-sharing with my best friend, she would get frustrated too that she couldn't help. We came up with a system that worked well for us. During the actual attack, she'd just leave me alone. I'd normally go to my room and just be on my own to deal with the pain. There's nothing anyone can do, and just having someone around made me feel self conscious. But, as soon as the pain subsided, she'd be there with a blanket to wrap around me and a tall glass of cold water. My body temp normally fluctuates wildly after an attack, and having a blanket or bathrobe to wrap myself in was helpful, but sometimes I wasn't in a state of mind to get it myself. Also, I'd be extremely thirsty and dehydrated. As soon as I downed the first glass of water, she'd go and get me a second, and a third if I needed it. Lastly, she'd offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on. She'd sometimes bring a bit of chocolate too, which helps after an attack (I find). That worked really well for us. She found that she didn't feel guilty for leaving me to suffer on my own, there was nothing she could do anyway then. But as soon as the pain was gone, she was there for me when I needed someone most. Hope that helps. Mox
  11. Hi, My neurologist is recommending Cadesartan for my migraines, and just wondering if any of the good people here have experience with it. Mox
  12. Are there anymore details about the conference yet? Like, who is speaking when, time table, software that is going to be used.. (zoom??) I live in the UK and would love to attend. I've been to the website linked in the other posts, but many of the links to photos are broken (in Safari at least) and there aren't a lot of details (doesn't instil confidence). According to the page, the conference is starting at 5pm CST on Thursday and running non-stop till 10AM on Sunday. Surely not? (Yes, I just) Is the conference going to be recorded so those of us in other time zones around the world can at least see the speakers? Or am I missing a link or something? Thanks, Mox
  13. Wanted to bump this to the top, if you don't mind.
  14. PS. I often think these headaches are equally difficult on those that care about us. My best friend used to get so frustrated watching me in pain and unable to help. We eventually agreed that when the cluster started, she'd just leave me alone and get one with it. But, as it ended, I would always want 2-3 glasses of cold water and a blanket or bathrobe, and she'd always have these ready. Mox
  15. HI Rios, I had clusters for about 4 years before I signed up here. Like your sister, I had tried everything doctors could give me. The last doctor med I was on made them worse (Topiramate, nasty stuff). At the time I came here, I was having 2-5 attacks every 2-3 days for nearly a year. I was actually, and quite literally, picking a date in my calendar to exit planet Earth. I'd decided to give myself 1 more year to find a solution, and that's when I remembered once being told about this site. I spent the following 6 weeks doing two things: 1, weened myself off Topiramate, and 2, read everything I could on this site. I think I read the key files in the Files section 4 or 5 times. I asked questions and made friends. It took some work, and wasn't an overnight fix. After my first bust the post traumatic stress attacks stopped. They just completely went away. The year prior to using these methods I had had 257 cluster attacks. The following year that dropped to 169. That's still a big number, but was much, much better. Last year, I had a whopping 37 attacks, all but three of those lasted less than five minutes. There is hope. There are solutions. You have to be your own doctor, researcher and test patient, but you can make these better. The Vitamin D3 regimen is a good place to start, along with a deep dive into the File section. We are here to help. Mox
  16. This morning I had a cluster attack that lasted 15-20 minutes. And, it was maybe a KIP 4 or 5, nothing horrific. Bad enough that I curled up on the sofa for a bit. But, I felt totally drained for 2 hours afterwards and was in a brain fog for 4 hours. I couldn't concentrate or even look at a computer screen for more than a few minutes. Then, it just went away at the 4 hour mark, and I felt fine. Is there anything people do to help them get through these after affects? I find chocolate and caffeine helps a little. Here's my FaceBook post from this morning, might make 'ya chuckle. Random thought of the day. If you had a choice between going to Hell to be personally tortured by the Devil himself for 1,000 years, or having one really bad cluster headache... What would you say to the Devil after you spit in his face? I'd probably say something like, 'well, get on with it you weak arse loser who thinks you understand pain.' Yes, it's been that sort of a morning. Had a fifteen minute cluster headache at 9 this morning. 3 Hours later and my brain is still scrambled and I have no energy, my body temp is fucked and I'm not always confident which way is up. Mox
  17. Hi gang, I'm curious what sort of things other people experience after the cluster headache has gone away. What fun little things linger after the raw pain is gone? Here's my list: Prior to busting, I would have 20-30 minutes PTSD experience where my whole body would shake and I'd cry uncontrollably after every attack. But that essentially went away after I started busting. My body temp normally swings from very cold to very hot, and I spend an hour or so adding and removing clothes or blankets to regulate my temperature. Extreme energy drain that lasts for hours, even from a short, 15 minute cluster. It tends to wipe me out for ages. Sometimes I get left with a headache or a migraine. Foggy brain and it's difficult to concentrate or focus on anything for hours. Holding a conversation can sometimes be difficult. My body's balance can sometimes be off kilter. For all of these things, it doesn't seem to matter if it's a 10 minute attack or 3 hours. As long as it reaches a KIP 4 or 5, then I get all or some of those. Mox
  18. Hi memememe (nice nick) Here's how I explain the pain to people, might help clarify things with your partner. Have him think back to when he had a muscle cramp in his calf muscle, most people have had at least one in their life. Then, ask him to double that amount of pain, and have him think about how when a muscle cramp starts, it starts out of the blue with no warning. And then, for the 30 seconds or a minute that it lasts, it is all you can think about. It is an all consuming pain, nothing else exists but the muscle cramp. Then, have him double the pain level again. Then, shrink it down to where the pain would fit in his palm, but maintain that same intensity. Now, ask him to imagine that in his eye and lasting for 3 hours. Mox
  19. Thanks everyone for your support. The clusters have seemed to ease off. I've only had one or two minor attacks since I started this thread. Very weird. My migraines are easing a bit too (knocks on wood). My daughter is down for a visit this week, so I've taken some time off work. That might be helping things. Hoping to bust soon, once she goes home and I have a week clear of triptans. Which may now be possible. Hoping to get 3-4 busts done in fairly quick succession. Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. Mox
  20. The Beast is back. Have had 5 clusters in a week now, and they have been proper strong ones too, not my normal KIP 2-3. These have been in the 5-6 range, and lasting much longer than normal, e.g. 15 minutes instead of 1-5 minutes, but still! Was woken up in the middle of the night this past week, and that's extremely rare for me, even when in the full depths of Hell. So, just tracking things for now. Trying to get clear enough away from triptans so I can power up a fresh busting routine. Think I have enough meds on hand for 6-7 busts, at least. Time to dig my farming gloves out. Stay safe everyone. Mox
  21. Hey Rudolph, I'm also in the UK. Welcome to the forum, sorry you have to be here. You can still get RC Seeds in the UK from eBay and sometimes Amazon. But it's getting harder to find. We need more law makers, or any law makers, with cluster headaches if you ask me. The only side affect I've ever had from the VitD Regimen is that it turns my urine to acid when I pee, which isn't at all fun. But my body can be quite sensitive to high doses of vitamin D. I'm just weird that way. I would be surprised that calcium would have that sort of an impact on an adult. How long has the knuckle been swollen for? Mox
  22. Hey Dr J, Welcome to the forum, so sorry you have to be here. Looks like you've already received some good advice. I'd also recommend you do as much research as you can, as mentioned above, most doctors (even specialist neurologists) are pretty clueless when it comes to CH. They just don't know what to do or their data is out of date. Ouchuk.org is a good sight for background information on the different types of primary headaches, and explains them well along with some standard treatment options. Some things work really well for some types of headaches (e.g. triptans for migraines and indomethacin for SUNCT). Triptans don't normally do anything for clusters, in my experience. Although I think some injectable forms of triptans can be beneficial. Caffeine is also helpful to abort an attack. Strong coffee or an energy drink will sometimes shorten attacks. Mox
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