It is there, without Pain and Shadows?

[A-Z]

Hi CH companions!

Posting after a longtime. Gone through one more episode of CH, from early August-September (1 month or 40 days). For those who want to know why: Again trigger seemed to be cow related, this time it was cheese cream, ate it continuously for a week or so at breakfast then the attack came. As in the past, when i eat beef steak or barbecue my CH came. This is happening since i hit the age of 30. (Did the tabs: Triptans, Diclofenac sodium misoprostols, Verapamils, Depakotes and D3 regimen. These all tabs lowered the intensity of my CH and for me it seems they, tabs, are the reason to lessen my CH episode to 1 month). 

So, now to the topic. i have not came across any papers or researches that would say CH symptoms are present in CHers even they don't have the attack/beast/pain and shadows. For example, overall you feel low in life (this can not be common) even though there is no CH and shadows. 

Or, could you people can say from your experience that you are in full CH remission but somehow you feel down physically and mentally? (Apart from MM busting, which is another reason i am asking the question. As CHers report being fine after taking MMs, though some have not been satisfied with MMs.) Because, when most people take MMs they report satisfaction, as the MMs are a psychedelic they make the CH brain, and mind too, cool down or pain free. So it seems there is something different going on in brain and mind, as it becomes receptive to a psychedelic (LSD and others also), so then it seems CH is more of a "mood type"*/mind disorder than a completely physical/brain problem. Because when i am in remission (for months or years) i feel depressed and anxious or you can say "not to my full social potential", for me the suspect seems the presence of CH, without being present (attack) and without being shadows. i am saying this because before CH came in my life i was doing well if not fantastic. 

So, any clues and links? And, which anti-depressant is good for a CHer? (i am resistant to anti-depressants not taken them for more than 3 months straight in my life, i want them as i know their positive potential but..... ! i read this long ago to convince myself:     https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/full-living/201510/5-reasons-suffering-people-don-t-want-try-medication and such writings but it not worked). Since last 8 months gone through Dr. David D. Burns Feeling Good book and knew about CBT's potential, and James W. Pennebaker's writing technique but still stuck..... CBT seems great but can't offered it for many reasons. 

* Of course it is not a mood problem.

Haven't done MMs yet. Last time did cannabis: 

Where @ThatHurtsMyHead @spiny @Bejeeber  and @Pebblesthecorgi were of great support, thanks to them once again! 

[spiny]

Personally, when my cycle is over, it takes a while to relax and return to 'me' fully. It just does not happen right away sometimes. MM's are great for the CH as well as PTSD and mood. So, if you bust with MM, you are in an inherently better place. Caveat - most are as there is always someone who had a different result out there somewhere. 

Perhaps you are still having PTSD from the cycle? You are just out of it and likely not fully back up to speed from what you are saying. 

As for antidepressants, I have only ever taken one -Welbutrin. And only for three months at that. So, I am not comfortable recommending any of them. I was put on one in my 20's that has since been removed from the market. So, no help there.

I will ask you why you stopped the D3  Regimen? Out of cycle and don't need it now? Most take it year round for the benefits. It does more than just cut short or stop a cycle. But if you aren't on it, it can't stop the next cycle. I find it a very cheap type of insurance against a cycle and keeping my mood better too. Prevent the cycle and you prevent any depression that comes with it.  So, why NOT stay on it? Did you have issues with it?

ATB A-Z. Sorry to know that you are in a funk, but very happy for you that the cycle is ended and ended early to boot!

[Cloudy]

sorry that you feel that way and i really think that there is something that when you are in a cycle you are not in PTSD but ATSD (acute trauma)...it's happening in real time to you and there is nothing post about it.  It does take me a few weeks post cycle (mine go on 3-5 months every 3 years) to feel like myself , mostly because you have been under attack and there is a real need to get out from under the shock of it.  Therapy is something that works for me to discuss those feelings as your friends can't understand it.  and whether its busting or a short treatment of a mild sleep/anti depressant like a trazodone or meditation  its about letting yourself heal and recovery and being kind to yourself after the trauma

wishing you good feelings 

 

[Bejeeber]

4 hours ago, spiny said:

MM's are great for the CH as well as PTSD and mood. So, if you bust with MM, you are in an inherently better place. Caveat - most are as there is always someone who had a different result out there somewhere. 

Amen.

[A-Z]

i forget to mention MEMORY. Since CH came in my life i can see decrease in my recalling moments and happenings, maybe it is not to due to CH. My kids fed up with me, they believe i joke and didn't concentrate on what they do, that i didn't remember what we said and did few weeks ago. My wife earlier thought that i didn't give attention to her past sayings, meaning i didn't like her, however, i thought maybe due to life pressures i forget what she said. But now i see something is bad happening in me: my memory is not working well. Now my wife is agreed with me and she says because i am a depressed personality that is why i can't remember. 

i am asking you people is it related to CH?

So, CH companions you didn't seemed to answer my question........ i was asking that when there is no pain and shadows for years (at least 2 years) but still you are down due to the beast's impact or its presence in brain!   

@spiny Thanks....! i did D3 regimen for 50 days..... in the past and now D3 gives me little kidney pain even with all the cofactors, omega-3 gives temple pain and multi-vits give me flue symptoms. My body has become now very sensitive to vitamins but as Batch told me  about cofactors so i can take them straight for 1 or 2 months without problem. But now given it gap. Hope in coming days give it another try.

@Cloudy Thanks....! Could you tell something about meditation, as i have done it now for a few times but still new. i concentrate my attention to my body parts and imagine them as breathing attention gives me headaches because i couldn't stop breathing when i give attention to it, it becomes fast. So i go for concentration on body and body parts to  divert my thoughts from "thoughts" and leave breathing on its own. Anything in this regard from your own experience? in free

 

Love to you CH companions.

 

[Bejeeber]

Hi @A-Z,

I only have an exceptionally anecdotal contribution regarding memory. I don't know how much it may be related to CH, but I considered my memory to be 'bad' until getting on Phosphatidyl Serine (which is touted for memory) years ago. I've been on and off it a few times since, and whenever I go off I notice the memory slipping again. Feeling very fortunate that the memory is significantly improved, though certainly not so miraculously much that it could be described as stellar - I know I've displayed some glaring lapses right here on this forum.

I think there was just maybe a sideways kind of response to your question about mood. Some of us don't know if depression is related to CH, because busting has had the welcome side effect of lifting our moods, and with continued maintenance busting, this mood lifting can potentially go on for years! Count me as one. There have been a lot of CH'ers here struggling with depression though. I don't know if it is a higher percentage than John Q Public, or maybe a correlation has been made that I once knew of but have FORGOTTEN! OOF! 

I personally like the meditation action (or inacation? ). Just recently there has been more discussion here about the Wimhof breathing method, and I notice he says it goes really well with meditation. I tried it a bit last last night, and intend to try it some more. The really dumb thing is I can't pursue meditation when in a full on cycle though - it's a hellacious trigger for me, just like naps, night time sleep, and most anything else relaxing!

 

 

[spiny]

16 hours ago, A-Z said:

Now my wife is agreed with me and she says because i am a depressed personality that is why i can't remember. 

 

16 hours ago, A-Z said:

i was asking that when there is no pain and shadows for years (at least 2 years) but still you are down due to the beast's impact or its presence in brain!

A-Z, she could be on to something there. Depression does mess with memory.  And depression also makes one not want to do things that they used to enjoy. The joy is gone. 

I think that most CHers are depressed during a cycle, but once it is gone, they tend to bounce back rather strongly. The hell is behind them and they move on. Until the next 'time' for a cycle rolls around. But being depressed for two years is way more than would be expected from a CH cycle. 

Your cycle just ended in the last month or so and you are not worried that another is on the way. But you are very concerned about the mental changes that you are dealing with. Is that correct? I would suggest seeing a therapist. Discussing it with a professional could be your best way of attacking these feelings and thoughts you are experiencing. It might mean a little help to get above the event horizon, but once there, you likely will enjoy the view again. 

[A-Z]

Hi companions! 

i am sorry for being late, sorry for as i need your information for my well being and get what i want from you, kind words of help. Was busy at some work trip, got a flu and now started again @xxx REGIMEN.

@Bejeeber Thanks for information and suggestions.

@spiny You are right, she had sensed it well as we both discuss my condition often so maybe i put the words in her mouth  .. i agree with you, yes my symptoms are of a depressed being and i am, and trying to do something about it. 

Quote

Your cycle just ended in the last month or so and you are not worried that another is on the way. But you are very concerned about the mental changes that you are dealing with. Is that correct?

Exactly! And now doing something for it, hope it will work. 

 

[spiny]

A great big hug A-Z!!! We are puzzles of many pieces, aren't we? 

[A-Z]

On 10/16/2021 at 2:57 AM, spiny said:

A great big hug A-Z!!! We are puzzles of many pieces, aren't we? 

Indeed!

And this forum has been of great help. Last time your ( @spiny), @Bejeeber's , @ThatHurtsMyHead's and @Pebblesthecorgi's words were very sincere and impactful. Also in the beginning messages of @xxx were also helpful.

As @Pebblesthecorgi said " Conversely to defeat depression you must pass back through anxiety" 

If life tread on my toes i will be here, crying for help. However, i will try to check here, this forum, without any interests just like you people. 

CU