Hi there Chris. Thank you so much for taking the time to inspire me in ways to handle my situation. I truly appreciate it very much.
I assume this is a safe place to spill my guts without being judged?
Here we go:
Just like you, my battle started when I was 16. But let's rewind a tad.
Between the ages of 10 till I was 14, I had been sexually and violently abused by 3 people. Continously during this patch off my life, holidays, birthdays or any special occasions were taken away from me cos this when it was at its worse. These people are not my immediate family. Anyways, I hid this from everyone up till today as I'm sitting at 45 years old. When I was 19 I couldn't study cos we couldn't afford it. My dad was ill and my mom worked 2 jobs. So I went straight into the job life so to speak, making whatever money I could so we could put food on the table. Age 22 I managed to save up enough to study and achieve a diploma. Things started looking good for change. 2001. New years eve, I was on my way to work. Didn't have ea car as yet so I took a taxi. The taxi back wheel got loose at 140kmph and the entire vehicle rolled over about 3 or 4 times before landing on its roof. I managed to kick out the back glass and climbed out. Helped who ever I could. Cellphones where flung out of the taxi however I managed to find mine to call for help. But just felt so dizzy that I fell onto the road. I could hear something screaching only to find a truck tyre inches from my head. The drive jumped out and rush to me. My shirt was soaked with blood etc. So he just ripped it open to check for injuries. I still can believe that I never had a scratch. It was somebody else's blood. 2011. My 1st hip replacement. 2013. My second hip replacement while my wife was in the same hospital sorting out our second miscarriage. And I know what going through a miscarriage is being a male in a marriage. I have seen also what it does to the female. It's torturous. There aren't words actually and I tried to support from I was. We currently do not have kids and we don't want any. We just have a dog which we latch on to. And I can see that I (as much as I love my dog) am second to him. Which kinda sucks in a way.
Moving on, I had been medically boarded from work due to the headaches and hip replacements even though I loved my job. They put it down to me in a very sly way using the fact that they refused to let me carry my O2 to work. I fought them since they 1st brought it up in 2014. But they got me out on 31.03.2021. So yeah my salary took a plunge and I'm left at home staring at the walls. I turned my hobby into a small business which is electronic repairs, however I stopped for a while now since my brother passed last year.
Still dealing with my loss. I always wished it was me and still do. To be honest, I'm not sure if others feel this way, but I am not afraid of dying. Actually alot of people are not afraid either. I guess they fear of how they will die. I so welcome it. In fact I had 2 failed attempts at suicide. Yes I'm seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist which I also put on hold since last year.
... And now the CH season starts.
I am sorry for the long read and if I said or mentioned anything that is not allowed on here. I am glad I did find this group because I did learn alot, especially the D3 Regamin and O2 treatment. Even though the damaged to my self has already been done. I may require bilateral knee replacements soon as well as the 15 year intervention regarding my hips.
I am sure others have been through worse in their own way and path of life and this is not to undermind what you all are going through as well.
Just know that I appreciate you all for the advice and direction in managing this condition atleast, even though I have no control over my past.
I guess all that's left to say is Thank you all from the bottom of my heart and pain free wishes always.