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CHfather

Messages to Michael

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Many of us have watched over the last few months as the situation of Michael (the Lionhearted, son of Bonkers) has worsened, and we know that Michael's about to go through a tough, tough detox from methadone without any help for his frequent, intense CH attacks.  (See hereabouts for more info about Michael's situation: http://www.clusterheadaches.com/cb/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1265314831/637#637)

We all hope and believe that in the long run this detox is going to make things better for Michael, but in the short run it's likely to be a very hard time for him, and for his loving dad, too. Most of us know how important the support from others here can be, and I'm suggesting (with Ron's approval) that we might each post here a message of support to Michael, so that he knows directly what we all know to be true -- that he's in our thoughts, our hearts, and our prayers; that he's not alone in this; and that the other side of it is going to be much better for him.  Ron has said that he will either encourage Michael to read these messages himself, or that Ron will print them out for him/read them to him.

I'll post mine later, but I'm inviting others to go first.

Thanks,

Jerry

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Michael I've been following your case since back when your dad first posted some background over at the CH message board, and I was stunned right then and there by the worst case of CH I'd ever heard of.

I know it's been a rollercoaster with the incredibly extreme chronic CH you've had - induced coma even - followed by some relief with busting, and now back to square one.

This transition you're having to make to be off of pain relievers right when the CH has come roaring back, well there's no candy coating it - it sounds like just a horrible trial to have to go through, we know you're running the gauntlet from hell, and it really concerns your family here who are reading about it.

We do have a lot of hope though that you will break through the other side with the busting really unhampered and able to do it's thing 100% for you.

Please try to keep your eye on the prize if you can (the other eye, not the one with the nuclear pinging behind it! :'(), and see yourself PF and back to your cool job (how COOL are they for holding it for you??!!).

We're all pulling for you Michael, we're here for you as much as we can be in cyberspace during this trial of all trials, and we'll also be ready to celebrate when you come through the other side.

-Matt

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Like Matt, I too look forward to the celebration on the other side. 

Micheal, I admire and respect you for your decision to go this route and wish you the best.

I offer the words of others who speak far better than I can and I trust you'll find strength in these and draw on them as you need.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

If you're going through hell, keep going. 

-Winston Churchill

Best

Doug

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Jerry, you're an amazing man. What a kind, thoughtful, caring thing for you to do. You represent the best in all of us.

Michael's in bed and probably will be for most of the week. I'll post regularly to let everyone know how he's doing. Thanks everyone for your support of my son. It means more than you can imagine to both of us. We're going to follow Les Genser's recommendations for herbal help. I'm following up with his doctor and may try Warfarin. Your kind well-wishing helps more, I believe, than we imagine. My heartfelt thanks to you all.

Btw, Michael was a crazy little kid. In light of that, we nicknamed him "Bonkers." It stuck (at least in the family). I appropriated it as my screen-name but it's really him. I'm just Ron.

Thanks all,

Ron

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Michael, I know this is a horrible time for you. I've been through withdrawals twice, and it is hard as hell. I can't imagine going through that and CH at the same time.

I know when you get to the other side, you'll feel a lot better. It's hell while you're going through it, but it DOES get better.

I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and sending lots of love your way. You're an inspiration for all of us, with all that you've been through.

Mystina

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Michael,

The best support one can get is support from the people that care about you. I know there are many people that truly care about you here and will support you the best we can.

The worst cycle I ever experienced was caused by long term methadone treatments trying to temper an episode. I have a feeling you are were I was years ago.

It didn't take too long to get thru the detox but it wasn't pretty. I know you can make it through what it takes.

Just like with clusters, you need to make it thru one day at a time, one bad moment at a time. Remembering that it WILL get better and it WILL be well worth it.

Also remembering that every day you get closer to the prize.

If you ever want to talk on the phone, just IM me and we'll work it out.

Be well,

Bob

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Mike,

What can I say that hasn't already been said?

Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and feel free to give me a call anytime.  You've got my number.

Hang in there my friend,

Bob

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Detox from methadone. It has to be done. I have had the pleasure of detox. Mine was benzodiazapine, hard to do. You have a tough job ahead. Your not alone. It will not be easy. Your not alone. Wished I could help more....your not alone.

all the best

the bb

trust in yourself you can do it

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Michael, you have been and will be in my thoughts. Getting the monkey off your back is perhaps the noblest thing you will ever do. I wish you nothing but the best.

One fraction of a minute at a time. Then the next. Then the next. Singularity of purpose.

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Michael;

It may not seem like the best time to consider how fortunate you are; but your father would clearly take your pain from you if he could, with full awareness of what he was asking for. Not everybody gets that.

Be present. Be aware. When the experience has washed over you, you will remain.

And remember what that little green smartass lizard said:

"Luminous beings are we; not this crude matter."

Good luck.

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Michael, I too have been thru severve withdrawals. 4 years ago I had back surgery. I was on hyrocodone 3 months prior and 1 month after the surgery. No one told me about tapering and I was ignorant about opiate addiction. I quit cold turkey and went thru holy hell. I could not imagine having a CH while going thru that. My thoughts and prayers are will you. It will get better with each day. I know you will make it. As someone has already said, keep your eye on the prize.

This too shall pass.

All the best,

Scott

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Thanks you guys. Almost took him to the ER this AM. Changed his mind just as I finished getting ready to go. I filled the script for the Warfarin and he took his 1st dose. Like everything else he's tried, we sure do hope it works. He's continuing with the Licorice tincture, Scullcap and Valerian. His head hurts so bad that he doesn't even notice the withdrawal. Right now, we're just taking it minute by minute.

Ron

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Michael I am following your story from begining and I somehow felt inside really 'big' spiritual when I heard of your first dosing and since I live in different time zone I mostly read posts when I woke up and it was late night in your country, waiting for your dad's next info on how you are, I felt really spiritual if not more when I heard of your great success, man I was so happy knowing we all can find peace from all that pain, that you (to quote Funguy here)

"If you're going through hell, keep going.

-Winston Churchill"

And you kept going! You did not fall on your knees nor stopped or retreat, you kept marching onward, even though you didn't know what is lurking around the corner, Man, Michael you are one of toughest guys I have seen and heard of around these parts, you even started work! And hanging around site and with your friends despite you still had slight headaches and just began to stand strong on your feet, yet you were so tough to lift up your head and live a responsible life of healthy person who never went through that shit we go through!

Michael, I just want you to know you are Clint Eastwood of Clusterheadache wild wild west. The toughest guy around the town.

You inspire me Mike!

Thumbs up and please tell your Dad to keep on reporting I follow your story and will try to think of anything asap to help with, ask around people with knowledge as well as pray for you to get better and so you keep strong!

- Matty

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Very, very powerful words and such an astute personalization Matty.

He's spot on Mike.  To quote Clint Eastwood:

“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.”

You have real power Michael.

Bobb

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Michael,

I've been out of the loop for a while, but you have not been out of my prayers.  You and your Dad are two of the best friends I have, although I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting you.  I look forward to the day I finally get to meet a young man that I have learned to respect more than about any one else I know.  You are in my prayers, and I know the answer is there for you.

Jerry

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Hello and best wishes to Bonkers. You just tell him he inspired me to quit oxycodone! I took my last one four days ago. Whew, talk about sucking for air. Each day gets better though. I remember last time I quit the pain killers my daughter commented on how well I looked and how I seemed so much better. One never knows exactly what will inspire but she inspired me. I am damn near over it.

Nothing good comes from it. That's what my wife said about another one of my previous vises years ago and she is always right.

One must get ones mind right. "a man persuaded against his will is of the same opinion still"

he has to want  to get clean and has to know how much better everything will be once the shitpile of withdrawals subside.

I am also glad to learn Bejeebers name is Matt. I did not know that. :D hey Matt, what up? ;D

Peace...

Dan

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Michael look what you inspired Dan to do - this thing is snowballing. In a good snowballing kind of way.  :)

Dan I would imagine it'll be reasonable for you to hope for improved busting results too after getting all 'withdrawed' and such, which sounds like a ginormous bonus indeed. 8-)

(and I figured I should start signing off with my real name at least occasionally here, because I hope to attend the clusterbuster conference and meet you buncha nut jobs in person).

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