HI Anita, and gang.
I've always been chronic, and to be honest, being episodic used to scare me. Sort of along the lines of what Jon said above. At least when I was getting hit all the time, my life was prepared for it. I always said, still do actually, life is what happens between headaches. Although these days, it's mostly chronic migraines and chronic daily headaches. Cluster Attacks, not so much any more.
In 2011 I was getting up to 5 vicious attacks a day, every 2-3 days for an entire year. That was about my worst year with Clusters since they started in Jan 2007 (add on top of that my migraines and daily headaches, of course). I had gone through, and maxed out every drug the doctors could give me over the years, and they just got worse and worse and worse. If I had 3 days attack free, I was amazed. And when they hit, it was HELL on Steroids!
Nov 2011 I had my calendar in front of me, and was selecting a date on which to leave planet Earth. I had decided to give myself one more year to find a solution, and then good bye. I had been told about this board in 2010, and read through some of the pages. But to be honest, LSD scared me. I've never done anything harder than pot, and that was when I was very young. As a result, I had always held this option as a last resort. That day when I was picking a date to die, I knew I had reached my last resort.
So, I joined the forum, and was instantly greeted by the warmest and nicest people on the planet. You've met them already. I began coming off of Topomax (Topiramate) as quickly as possible, to quickly if I'm honest, and I spent all my free time reading these pages. By the time I was clear of the doctor prescribed "waste of time", I had a small amount of shrooms and some RC Seeds.
After my very first dose, I knew I was onto a solution. My next attack after that dose was COMPLETELY different than anything I had ever experienced before. I knew the routine, I knew the schedule. But this attack after busting, it didn't follow the schedule, or the routine.
My routine was: Sudden attack, like being hit in the face with a baseball bat. 30-60 minutes of extreme pain, usually sitting on my bed rocking back and forth with snot dripping down my face, followed by 20-30 minutes of uncontrollable tears and shaking, as if someone where rattling my bones. But, after my first bust, there was NO post traumatic attack. No crying, no shaking. I had a short, 20 minute attack or so, and then got up and dusted it off and got on with things like it was no big deal. The attack was sharper, and 'clearer' than any other. It was like crisp, cold, crystal clear water instead of the heavy, oppressive attacks I normally got.
It took me the better part of a year of busting on and off to make a huge difference, but a difference it made. Year 2, I only busted occasionally, a few weeks at a time 3-4 times a year. Two years ago I started micro-dosing, which is amazing! It involves taking a small dose (0.20 grams or less) every day with no tripping affect. But, I don't even do that very often now. In fact, all my busting material is going to my best friend who has ALS, she needs it more than me.
Do I still get attacks? Yes, I had one yesterday in fact. It lasted about 30 seconds. Took my breath away and brought a few tears to my eyes, but that was it. I get 1 - 2 attacks a month now, and consider anything over 15 minutes a shockingly long attack! In fact, 5 minutes is unusual.
I'm not as scared of being episodic now as I once was, simply because my attacks are not what they once were. I'd be concerned though that if they stopped for a year or two, they might come back with a vengeance. But I have a solution now. I know how to stop them, and I have no plans of leaving this planet anytime soon.
MG