My story, from headaches to heroin. Help Me!

[Junco Partner]

So, I started to get migraine headaches around the age of 12 or 14. My mom took me to the family doctor, who prescribed Vicodin and referred me to a neurologist. I took the Vicodin and immediately fell in love with it. I started to overuse them, running out early, and making excuses as to why they were gone. As I got older, my headaches got worse. In high school I started to buy drugs, and was in full blown heroin addiction by the age of 22. Around this time I got a car for my birthday, and while driving I nodded off and crashed it. I told everyone that I had swerved the car in order to avoid a deer and overcompensated with the wheel. They believed me, but were slowly becoming suspicious of my behavior.  Being short a car, I started borrowing my parents' to get to work and school. 8 months later I got into another accident. This time I suffered a severe head injury and was in an induced coma for a week. The doctors did a blood test and disclosed to my parents that I was high out of my mind on heroin. They kicked me out of the house. Next I lost my job. First I started stealing to avoid the dope sickness. I stole from my parents and my best friends. One by one I alienated everyone in my life and ended up homeless. While at the shelter I met a girl thru a friend, who let me stay with her at the university. There I lived with 4 other girls. Soon I got her addicted and her roommates kicked us out.  We moved into a small apartment and there we lived in squalor for 2 years. By that time I was supporting my habit writing fake prescriptions, and unbeknownst to me, my girlfriend was sleeping with the drug dealers for bundles in return. I should have known, when visits to pick up the drugs extended late into the night. She was absolutely gorgeous. It was only a matter of time until she would be propositioned. They even had the nerve to ask me first. I made her promise never to do that, and after acting offended for a few hours, giving me the silent treatment, she told me I never had to worry about that. The truth is, I never had to worry while we had money. But never underestimate how far an addict will go to avoid dope-sickness. One day I went to fill a forged prescription and the pharmacist told me that she knew it was bogus. Because I was high, I totally forgot, and one week later, I went back. The same pharmacist was working and she called the cops. I was arrested and went to jail, where I was forced to go into withdrawal. They refused to dose me with methadone. At the time I was taking 120mg of methadone and up to 10 bags of heroin a day. I had also contracted MRSA that same week, which left a hole in my arm. MRSA is incredibly painful. Methadone withdrawal is even worse. Combined, it is a nightmare. To give some perspective, in Orange County Florida, a women died after being denied her dose of 40mgs. I was taking 3xs that amount, on top of my heroin use. My body had stopped producing its natural endorphins, so I had no defense against the pain. During the next two weeks I lost 14 pounds, and went through the worst ordeal of my life. Meanwhile, my girlfriend was without any money, and she finally gave in to the endless propositions. When I was eventually freed 2 weeks later, she confessed. I was heartbroken, I broke up with her and we never spoke again. I got on suboxone and the withdrawals subsided. Next I went into rehab. I wrote a letter begging a certain foundation for help and they offered me a scholarship worth $60,000. I was in rehab for 6 months. At month 5 I was weaned off of suboxone. Again I went into withdrawal. This time it caused me to have a sort of mental breakdown. I started having flashbacks of my time in jail, which left me traumatized. They diagnosed me schizo-affective after I was found wandering around a New Jersey town, babbling on about September 18th, which was in my mind an obsession for some reason. They told me that it went undiagnosed because I was self medicating. I was kicked out of rehab. Not so much kicked out, but I was told there was nothing more they could do for me. They drove me to a psychiatric facility where I stayed for 10 days. I was then flown home and sent to a facility in Charlotte, NC, where I was treated for PTSD and S.A.D. I went back on suboxone but now that I was free from heroin, the headaches returned with a vengeance. I was sooo tempted to use again, but I managed to stay strong. I kept an open mind and went to neurologist after neurologist trying to find relief. I tried all the medications. Maxalt definitely helped as a rescue medication, but I was still suffering. I tried botox, chiropractors, and even flew up to chicago's diamond headache clinic, where I ate nothing but bread and water for a week and slowly introduced new foods into my diet. The idea was to figure out if I had any aversion to certain foods. I discovered that aged foods would trigger my migraines. Cheese, red-wine, left-overs from thanksgiving all contributed to my headaches, so I stopped eating those. My headache frequency slowed. However, I could not seem to rid myself completely of this curse. So here I am, reading about psilocybin, LSD, and other triptamine drugs. I would give anything to be rid of headaches, and I am very interested in the spiritual and mystical aspects of psychedelic drugs. But how do I go about finding them? How do I treat myself with these drugs? I am open to suggestions and would love to talk to anyone who has first hand experience using psychedelic drugs for migraine / cluster headache prevention. I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I never had headaches.

[CHfather]

There but for the grace of God go many.  Congratulations for staying so strong.  How you treat yourself with these substances is described in detail in the ClusterBuster Files section of this board, in the numbered files.  Some of the specifics are a little outdated, but the relevant information is all there.  How do you get them?  Well, some people grow their own, some people find sources, and some people use seeds, such as rivea corymbosa seeds, that are legal to purchase and possess in most US states.  Some other products have been created from basic ingredients that are legal. A substance called 5-MeO-DALT used to be legally purchaseable -- I don't know what the status of that is.  There are plenty of people here who have used those substances to treat cluster headache and in some cases migraine.  Since this board was founded to address using these substances to treat CH, we don't see that many people with migraines here, but they generally report positive results.

I'm puzzled, as I always am, when people say this, as you say: " I tried all the medications."  People say it often, so I'm not criticizing you.  It's just so rare when something like a sumatriptan injection doesn't stop a cluster or migraine attack.  I always wonder whether people who say that maybe have been misdiagnosed, or maybe they only think they have tried all the medications.  You should seriously consider the vitamin D3 regimen that is described in the Files section -- very helpful for migraines, we have been told.

I think some people might advise you that people in recovery have to be very cautious about psychedelics, but you probably already know that.

[Junco Partner]

Thanks for the reply...

3 hours ago, CHfather said:

It's just so rare when something like a sumatriptan injection doesn't stop a cluster or migraine attack.

I think you might be a little confused.  Maxalt is in the same class as sumatriptan. In fact I was prescribed that first, but the muscle tension it caused led the dr. to switch to maxalt. So... yeah.  

Anyways, I've tried vitamin injections, too.

Obviously I havent tried everything. It is a saying, which translates roughly to "I have tried all available treatment options". I'm sure somewhere, getting bit by a rattlesnake is a treatment to headaches. Obviously, I haven't tried that. It's not available to me. That goes without saying. Do I really need to clarify this??? Come on, dude. Furthermore, If I take a fioricet for a migraine, and it doesnt help, why would I take a fiorinal or an axotal, or the multitude of similar drugs in that class? What I mean is that I have tried all available treatment options.

Anyways, apart from giving me a hard time, you have helped me more than you know.

[Bejeeber]

Hi Junco,

I imagine it wouldn't be a bad idea to research a bit on the topic of schizo-affective and psychedelics, as last I checked (which was years back), even those who recognize the potentially therapeutic properties of psychedelics, recommend against them for anyone with a family history of schizophrenia (if that is related to schizo-affective..?).

Also, CHfather isn't known for giving people a hard time, just the opposite in fact. He's well known for being non-judgmental, and for volunteering his time to help countless headbangers find their way to some relief, so when interpreting his words, I think that can be a good angle to come at them from. 

 

 

 

[CHfather]

Junco,

I was really specific, carefully so, that I wasn't criticizing you. In part, my observation (as I said) had to do with misdiagnosis, because we have had some people come here with cluster headache diagnosis for whom "nothing worked," because they were being treated for the wrong condition; typically, they had some form of hemicrania, but on other occasions it was other things.  Beyond that, yes, I was suggesting that after six years of reading about cluster headache treatments, I have found that there are pharmaceutical and also non-pharmaceutical treatments that have not been tried by people who believe they have "tried everything."  How much of that applies to migraine, I can't really tell you, because this is a cluster headache site, and that's what I know about, except from the relatively small number of people who discuss migraines here.  And how much might apply to you, I of course have no idea.  Melatonin, magnesium, octreotide, certain antidepressants, licorice root, kudzu root, pasireotide, lithium, topamax, gabapentin, low histamine diet, masturbation, sometimes indomethacin. on and on . . . all things that have helped some people some of the time with cluster headaches.  I have to keep emphasizing cluster headaches.  Heck, some proportion of the people who come here thinking they have "tried everything" haven't had effective oxygen, which is the #1 medically recommended abortive for CH. 

The vitamin D3 regimen, which as I said you can actually read about in the ClusterBuster Files section, is not "vitamin injections." 

 

[Junco Partner]

Understood! And please accept my apologies! Perhaps it is wishful thinking, or maybe I am in the wrong place. I certainly hope not. I have lost so much of my life due to headaches, I would do anything to be rid of them! I spend much of my time in TOTAL isolation. I haven't had a relationship in years. So it helps me to bitch about it, because in real life I am silent on the issue, for fear of sounding like a malingerer. If I am in the wrong place, I totally apologize, as I have noticed sparsity when it comes to migraine talk. Yet, when I read about people going months without headaches, when they were otherwise intractable, well... I get jealous. I think I can rule out cluster headaches, because mine tend to last anywhere from 3 hours to 3 days. However, having visited so many doctors, I have received many different diagnoses. For instance, I once presented with vision loss and a swollen left eye. I left with a diagnosis of cluster headache. I still have no idea what happened to my eye that week. Just another day with migraines, I guess. Anyways, all of this makes me very curious. I can't help but hope, maybe naively, that what helps for CH sufferers, might help for me.

As for the other gentleman's concern about my mental health, that might be a legitimate reason to worry. However, I had tried many different psychedelics (mushrooms, LSD, 2c-b) when I was younger (22-25), and I never had a problem, apart from a bad trip or two. It never dawned on to document their effect on my headaches, though. 

[CHfather]

I'm surprised that more people here aren't a little crabby, given what they live with.  I wish you had a solid, reliable diagnosis.  I'm only saying that some things that are at the top of the list for CH, such as inhaled oxygen, don't work for migraine, and even for the more common condition, migraine, lots of neurologists do lots of weird prescribing and people never try the core preventives and abortives. 

As I have said, pretty much everything you need to know about treating "headache" conditions with psychedelics is in the numbered files in the ClusterBuster Files section.  Many people have found that that treatment also helps migraines.  If you decide to try that method, given the cautions that have been suggested, you might get some further advice here.  And I'll say again that the D3 regimen, which has the additional advantage of being legal, has been very helpful for people with chronic "headache" conditions.  (I put "headaches" in quotes because these horrible things that you are suffering and the people here suffer ain't "headaches" in any real sense.)

[Junco Partner]

True; Migraine Headaches and Cluster Headaches aren't your typical run-of-the-mill headache (treatable with OTC aspirin or acetaminophen).  No, cluster headaches and Migraines can render a man bedridden and suicidal.  However, they are classified as such, as headaches are defined as "a continuous pain in the head." There are many different types of headaches, tension, organic, migraine, cluster, etc. and these all fall under the heading "headache". I just wanted to clarify that it is not my intention to equate MH or CH to the common headache. I will try to be more sensitive about this in the future. 

As for the vitamin regimen you recommended, I just wanted to point out that they are available as injections (feel free to google "vitamin d3 regimen injections" for sources). And I have received them on a few occasions, followed by a regimen of other oral vitamins. I just feel a lot of hostility, that I don't understand. As if all that I am saying is met with doubt. Why is this? I was really hoping to find support here. Or maybe I am misreading it, if so I apologize. 

[urs Brasil]

I can't read/see any hostility at all. It seems to me you already have done enough reading on this site and build your position and perspective to the tools available.

-Hello I'm in need of urgent help, please fix me... ( is probably an treatment option worth being discussed & included in the standard procedure, eventually...)

 

[CHfather]

I feel no hostility at all toward you, not one drop.  I am trying to be helpful, and you do seem to be deflecting that, which is now making me a bit frustrated.  I assumed that before telling me to google "vitamin d3 regimen injections" you would have made sure of that, but in fact that search discovers not one single reference.  I'm not saying you didn't have D3 injections; I'm not even saying that you didn't do the actual D3 regimen or some version of it.  I have no idea.  But all you have to do is look at the file that I've referred you to.  If it really is the same as what you've done, then clearly I'm wasting your time.  If it isn't, you might consider it. 

You came here interested in busting (treating attacks with psychedelics).  I've told you where to find references at this board to busting, and suggested that you get back to us after you've looked them over.  That's still my suggestion.  Because of the background conditions that Jeebs and I have mentioned, I'm not going to tell you to just go for it, and I'm not going to try to stop you.

[spiny]

Junco, you have found a LOT of support here. While I am sorry that you do not see it that way, I see no basis for your being upset with people who have tried to help you.

I hope that you find some relief and peace. No one wants to see their life slipping thru their fingers without really living.

ATB

[Junco Partner]

Everyone here has been offering helpful suggestions, and I came off as an ass.  I had misread a perfectly friendly response as being critical, only to re-read it and find that it was not. There's no excuse, so please accept my apology! 

[CHfather]

Would love to hear next that you are trying something that is helping you (or that you're considering something and have some questions).  That's what we're here for. 

[BluesFan85]

Hey man I understand where your coming from.  I also am addicted to heroin.  I've been clean now for about 2 years I'm 31 years old.  I used drugs all high school I did everything imaginable on top of smoking an ounce or more of dank a week.  Anyways when I started getting the clusters really bad at 18 that's when I tried using heroin a lot for the pain not knowing it wasn't going to help.  Get help man.  I've been to jail many times and prison as well.  You ever have a cluster headache while your on a prison transport feet handcuffed to the floor and hands cuffed in front of you?  If you want to talk at all just hit me up I'm not gonna post my story whole story up and I'd rather just answer any questions you got if you have any at all.  I can probably answer any question you got, let me know.