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BoscoPiko, Odd as it sounds, we get you. I try to be soft, yet I know my natural state is pretty gruff. I figure if I practice nice long enough that it'll become my natural state. I don't know if it's CH or other things in life (or the combination). I don't recall if you're busting or not? I've found (as most others I think), that busting comes with it other positive affects on our personalities. I haven't really felt happy in a long time. That seems odd to say. Get through this cycle and I promise you'll feel better. Your horse is ready for a long run when you've kicked your CH beast to the corner. Cheers, J

I wish there was a one size fits all answer to this question but these forums are a Godsend. I am episodic so in all honesty it is probably easier for me and I find being grateful for my CH case compared to many others helps me through because my heart truly breaks for those who suffer much worse. My husband is very supportive so that makes a difference and I try to focus on my hobbies of working out and reading (obviously reading is not possible when the beast is lurking). My job keeps me very busy too so maybe trying to stay busy can help you? Maybe you can find other clusterheads where you live? I personally never met another one but would like to. I wish I could help more but wanted to reply so you know you are not alone.

Happens to most of us if not all. I feel mean, sad angry and I lash out at people all the time. My wife will sometimes remind me that im being an ass and kind of bring it to my attention but she understands why I am this way. As far as staying happy? I just kind of think about the ones I love and I am thankful that this is all happening to me and not them. I can deal with this my own way but if someone else had clusters then I would be one of the ones who just didn't get it. I know it will pass in a few days or weeks and I will feel better again. I am chronic so I have forgotten what it is like to be pain free for more than a day but I do have days that are better then others and I try to enjoy them. Depending no your location you may be picking up some sort of allergy from being out with your horses. you might want to look into the vitamin D3 by our member here know as XXX. I am sorry if you posted about this already and I missed it but how else are you dealing with your clusters? Coming on this site and venting about how your feeling is huge! people here understand and will help you figure it out.

You aren’t a jerk - just a cluster head in excruciating pain. I am sure the wildfires and poor air quality are contributing to your suffering. I am in the NorthEast but when we have weather issues (pressure spikes and drops, blizzards etc) it definitely plays a role. You may want to consider buying an air filter for in your home. My office at work is very stuffy etc and it has helped since we put a filter in to try to clean up the air. We all feel this way in the midst of it. My last episode all I could think was trying to make my way into the kitchen and find the knife block to use a Henckels to put myself out of my misery. Be well and hang in there!

I find the denial about hormones confusing! In the 70's, if you had migraines, they would not give you B.C. pills! Why? Because they made the migraines worse. Nor would they mention CH if you were female. I am pretty confident that in the future, if they diagnose correctly, migraines and clusters will be equally split between the sexes. My son and daughter have migraines and I have CH. Which was undiagnosed for decades. Like from age 22 to age 58. At 58, I drug my husband to the Neuro with me so he would shut up about migraines! Once my husband told him 'I am sick of losing my wife at 8 o'clock every night!', he was willing to entertain the thought that I might have CH. They did come like clockwork after all. 'Headaches should not have gender roles…….the beast is bad enough!' AGREED!