Suicide

[lp3]

Anyone else have suicide plan? Are we tracking how many cb members offed their selves? Not a good day. Not a god day whatsoever. Please don't respond with d3 and busting/ oxygen etc. Just respond to question. Thanks

 

[big j]

If you don't want advice why are you here? Are you seriously expecting people to talk suicide with you here? I I feel for you, I've been lucky, many treatments have worked for me but I feel the dread and despair every time one quits working. I'm currently using a dmt vape and it's amazing, hopefully it doesn't end up like imitrex where I build up a tolerance. 

[BoscoPiko]

I sure hope no one else has a suicide plan! Life with CH can be immensely difficult at times, but life between the clusters is just 2 special to give up on. @lp3 to make sure I answer your question, no I don't have a suicide plan but in the beginning of my CH (prior to finding CB), I was definitely guilty of thinking about it. I know you have been on here for quite some time, but I don't think you post all that often (which is absolutely ok). It's just that I wonder, if none of the things you mentioned not wanting to hear about don't work at all for you if maybe you haven't been properly diagnosed?  Maybe try and see a different Doc or better yet a headache specialist. When is the last time you spoke to a Dr. about what you’re going through? I know you’re not looking for advice but that is pretty much what we do here (try and help). In a way I think maybe you are looking for help because how would it change anything for you to know someone else had a plan?  Please excuse the ramble, I just hate to see/hear of a fellow sufferer being in such a bad way. If you change your mind and do want to talk about possible methods that could help, we are here!

[Bejeeber]

What @big j and @BoscoPiko said.

One prominent member went on record here as having had a specific day on the calendar planned, but successful busting found them decidedly cancelling the plan.

Please forgive though for even mentioning busting, even in that context, if it is something that isn't for you.

[lp3]

I am just wondering if suicide plans are common. D3, oxygen, busting, etc. Yes, tried em all. FYI. Please just answer these 2 ques. Is cb aware how many member we have lost to suicide and who else has a suicide plan. Thanks. It's a simple 2 questions.

[BoscoPiko]

NO! THOUGHTS OF IT YES.. SUFFICED? Wade in the muck often? Want help? Still here....

[Shaun brearley]

Don't think many people would admit to it, so not really a question needed on this forum 

[Shaun brearley]

Yes we are aware of suicide of people who have been members of CB, but again not something we like to talk about, I don't understand what you will get from people answering your questions 

[CHfather]

14 hours ago, lp3 said:

Please just answer these 2 ques. Is cb aware how many member we have lost to suicide and who else has a suicide plan. Thanks. It's a simple 2 questions.

Because an answer seems so important to you, I can tell you that in the last big published study of people with CH in the US (more than 1100 people, mostly members of CB or ch.com), about 13 years ago, this was the report: "55% of the US cluster headache population has had suicidal thoughts while 2% have tried to commit suicide. In addition, 50% of survey responders also demonstrated selfinjurious behavior during attacks."  https://www.clusterheadaches.com/yabbfiles/Attachments/Cluster_Headache_in_USA.pdf  

This doesn't precisely answer first question you are asking, but it might be as close as you can get.  Overall, about one in 30 suicide attempts actually result in death. 

If you would want to try to project those statistics to today, you might want to consider the many recent developments that might affect suicidality, most of which are included in previous posts in this thread (the study that showed effectiveness of "high-flow" oxygen, for example, was published a year before the study I have quoted from).  On the other hand, I wouldn't be surprised if the percentages have remained about the same.

[Tony Only]

I can't just reply to questions and be done with it (so you can skip my reply if you wish).

I work in psychiatric ward and get sometimes called to help when there are patients who are suicidal and have CH.

Very, very often when CH is managed to get under control, the suicide plans vanish and again, very, very often never return.

But there are people who have more complex problems and conditions and need help beyond getting CH under control. Then you need to keep reaching for help - relentlessly as long as you need, or better yet - find a support person who helps you fight.

And it's incredibly tough when the things that work for others do not work for you - these people would need a community of their own. People with torturous chronic pain - whatever the diagnosis or no diagnosis at all, who have not yet found help and those who have found something that helps mixed in one group.

I hope you keep reaching out and find help.

Edited September 20 by Tony Only

[Matthew Funk]

I have a plan. It used to be very specific. I've since moved and the specifics wouldn't work. The generic plan remains.

[dmlonghorn]

No

[devonrex]

Ideation, yes. For the numbers on this board, I have no idea. I know we as a demographic are more likely, I mean thus the name.

 

If you have a plan I implore you reach out to a friend, a help line, a doctor, someone, the step from just thinking about wanting this shit to end permanently to having a specific set of steps in mind is a huge step and rather large red flag, so talk to someone, reach out.

[MoxieGirl]

On 9/20/2024 at 1:52 AM, Bejeeber said:

What @big j and @BoscoPiko said.

One prominent member went on record here as having had a specific day on the calendar planned, but successful busting found them decidedly cancelling the plan.

Please forgive though for even mentioning busting, even in that context, if it is something that isn't for you.

That was me.

In 2011 I had 257 cluster attacks (plus 276 normal headaches and 42 migraines). It was a bad year. My doctor-prescribed meds were actually making the clusters worse. I'd only had 63 the year before (and I thought THAT was a bad year). 

By October I had had enough. I was sitting at my computer with my calendar in hand planning the day to exit planet Earth. I decided to give myself 1 year to find a solution or else that would be that. Then, in that moment as I was selecting the day, I remembered someone had given me a link to this forum about LSD and Magic Mushrooms. At the time, I was just starting my journey as my clusters only started in Jan 2007. I still had other doctor meds to explore and things to try before I turned to hallucinogens. So, I bookmarked the site. 

But in that very moment when I was planning the end, I remembered Clusterbusters. So, I joined and started reading and asking questions. Within a few days, I started weening myself off Topiramate and I met with my GP to explain to her my plan. It took me 6 weeks to get clean of Topiramate (it was too fast, I should have taken twice that long). During all of those six weeks, I spent every free moment on this site. I studied the clusterbuster files and made friends. Once clean, I started on an alternating pattern of shrooms and seeds.

I taught myself how to grow my own medicine, which was an amazing experience. I loved being in control of the process, start to finish. 

In 2012, my clusters dropped to 169 and I only had 3 migraines. So far this year, 2024, I've had a grand total of 2 cluster attacks, each lasting less than 30 seconds. I'm not even sure they are technically clusters, but they have all the hallmarks. Ultra-intense pain, watery eye, drippy nose, energy drop that lasts hours. But, all in a compact 30 seconds of terror. 

Also, after my first dose of shrooms, my post-traumatic stress attacks that I'd get after every cluster headache vanished. I used to rock back and forth, crying my eyes out for 30 minutes after every attack. 

Sorry, I'm talking about treatment, not suicide. I've gone off-topic.

I don't have an issue with suicide. I know that's a bold thing to say, but I don't. I've had daily suicidal thoughts from the age of 7 till I was 41. I firmly believe that when my day comes, it'll be by my hand. 

But not this day. Not when there is a remedy. Not when there is hope.

There is life after clusters. I can attest to that. OK, I'm still dealing with 400 headaches and migraines a year, but my clusters are so trivial I barely notice them when they do strike. You have to be prepared to fight. You have to be your own doctor, herbologist and test subject. You have to be prepared so you don't get hit out of the blue. Understand how to prevent them. Try the D3, try everything. Don't give up! You'll make me angry and I'll swear at you if you give up!

Mox

[mit12]

I have been there, I had the talk with my wife. Thank god things changed. Today I am still suffering with migraines and Clusters but have gotten peace within my self, I no longer prey every night that I will die and end this! Its a tough life living with extreme pain and having no controll over it. I have learned to love the good days and plow through the bad days. I can say that life is better when you love life rather than hate life constantly praying for death. I know that this is more like rambling but I hope you can find some peace within. Hang in there. 

[devonrex]

In what seems to be an almost grey area with 'suicide' viewed as something problematic, we in Canada have access to MAID (Medical Assistance in Death), something I have inquired about, so in a grey area, I do have a plan, but if you ask about MAID you do not get sent to psychiatric, but if you mention having a plan you do. In any case, I see it as my absolute last resort. I feel you @MoxieGirlI am chronic and have up to 8 hits a day, every day, no breaks, with some powerful sleeping pills, I can knock myself out for 30 hours after a day and a half up but those are the longest breaks. I am still trying with the alternate methods but have had some really bad months, death in the family and any hallucinegenic is not great if you go in with a bad headspace and the current crop I have tends to really edge towards disassociating me strongly which is a pretty unnerving experience. All said, we have all wished an end in some way, but you need to reach out, talk, try anything and everything. 

And talk, to anyone, find a good listener, it goes a very long way in keeping it together.

Edited October 16 by devonrex